Don’t Value Success over Significance

A few weeks after my Dad died, my brother called and said ‘I think there’s something you should have.’  It was a small wooden jewelry box with a scroll inside.  The scroll was wrapped in a shiny red rope.  Written on the scroll was a prayer to God about my Mother & I.  That box wouldn’t hold value to anyone but me.  I probably couldn’t sell it on Craigslist for .55 cents.

• If something doesn’t hold significance for a number of people, is it significant at all?
• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear, does it make a sound?
• If you a wear a cute outfit, and no one is worthy of understanding your look is it still fashionable?

These are the things I lie awake at night thinking about.

(Not really, just the first one=)

In the past few months, I’ve realized I have a lot of issues with things that don’t seem successful.  In particular, my things that don’t seem successful enough.  I often need to convince myself that even if something doesn’t seem successful it doesn’t mean it isn’t significant to someone.

It’s sad to admit this, but it’s true of me.  I tend to be dismissive of the ‘smaller’ things in life, but eager to embrace things that seem of greater importance or significance than me.  This type of thinking is dangerous.  It tempts me to throw in the towel on things much too soon.

Seriously, how sad and broken and deluded and needy and awful is that?

Here’s a different example: I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life investing in the lives of college students.  I’m so proud of a number of our alumni.  They are the world changers I truly hoped I’d be able to develop.  While I’ve been doing that, I haven’t had the time to finish my book or invest in my blog in ways that could have made either more successful sooner.  I haven’t connected well with other bloggers and I haven’t attended any blogging conferences.  I haven’t even been to the main Blogher conference! (The crime).

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve begun berating myself about these things: i.e. ‘…and you call yourself a blogger?  Your a disgrace is what you are!  You think you can write a book?!  You need to get under the covers and never come out!  You get to that Blogher conference or else hang your head in shame you no good, dirty rotten fake!’

I recognize these are asinine thoughts.

In my rare moments of clarity I’ll say to myself…

“Self, just because neither your blog, or your unfinished book or your house is beautiful, massive or incredibly successful does NOT mean you haven’t invested your time in good things.  And furthermore, just because your blog or your book aren’t runaway success stories doesn’t mean they aren’t significant.”

It’s been incredibly shocking how often I’ll need to rehearse this little ditty.  Perhaps because I’m in the midst of some major transitions (which I will share about in the next couple of weeks) and perhaps because I’m 35 (mid-life crisis anyone?) I am calling EVERYTHING and anything I’ve invested my life in into question.  The mental work has been absolutely necessary.

If you need to do the mental work, do it.  It’s worth it.  Don’t let yourself believe that you or your pursuits aren’t valuable because they aren’t deemed ‘successful’ by a gajallion people.  What is or isn’t ‘successful’ isn’t easily discernible.

By all intents and purposes the trans-Atlantic slave trade was successful.  The success of the slave trade has made America an extremely successful and wealthy country.

In hind sight, I value that I’ve spent the last number of years investing in other people and I can’t waste my mental energy wishing I had been more successful in other areas.  Success is a naughty little mistress and not worth panting after.  I’m so thankful I’ve had these years to pour into the lives of others through InterVarsity.  I will not allow myself to regret any of that time, no matter what sacrifices I’ve made a long the way because my work with them is significant to them.  It’s significant to me.

Here’s to living a life that YOU value, no matter how many or how few recognize it as such!

Is there anything that you are tempted to regret investing in?  Do you ever fall into that, ‘I’m just a Mom’ trap?  Do you ever wonder if you are doing meaningful enough work or if your blogging or writing pursuits are the best use of your time?  Do you relate to my internal battles in any way?  I’d love to know!

This is my first post for Just Write.