THE POLITICS OF DANCING: There’s one song that conjures up for me the relentless creepiness of God’s presence. In C.S. Lewis’s Perelandra (best book in overrated space trilogy… let the flaming commence…), Dr. Ransom the Earth man wonders what unnerves him so much about the un-Fallen planet where he’s landed. He has this feeling, all the time–suddenly he recognizes it. It’s the feeling he used to have at parties, the feeling that would prompt him to go out and have a smoke. The desire for a self-contained, private world, where even your friends and your spouse can’t enter.

And on perfect Perelandra, he’s forced to recognize that he had never been really private. He had never been able to hide his thoughts behind smoke. He had never really lived in a self-contained world. Because God had always been there, watching. That’s a thought that should bring you to a swift consciousness of personal sin! Someone was watching everything. All the things you wouldn’t tell your best friend, all the episodes and thoughts that you’d falsify in your own diary, all the things your memory edits so they won’t keep you awake at 3 A.M.–Someone saw it all, and still remembers.

I guess some people might find “Somebody’s Watching Me” the song that sums up that realization. But there’s a song that gets the atmosphere much better, and sets it in scenarios that are especially appropriate for contemporary America: The Cramps, “Eyeball in My Martini.”

I couldn’t find the lyrics to this song on the Web, so I had to listen to it last night (oh the pain I suffer for my public!!!) and copy out the words as best I could. And by the way, this song rocks out. The Cramps are to fun what a Cherry Slurpee is to Red Dye #2: There’s almost too much.

Went out to eat the other night

Picked up my girl at 8

In my soup I found a fly, but there behind my plate–

An eyeball in my martini!

A highball with a twist!

One in my linguini, too, I said “There’s something wrong with this!”

Oh, eyeballs (x4) everywhere, eyeballs (x4) floating through the air!

Then we went to the amusement park

To ride the Tunnel of Love

When I went to hold her hand, there was an eyeball in her glove!

We went to Lovers’ Lane

To scan for UFOs

Imagine what I saw when I pulled down her pantyhose…

eyeballs etc.

I took my baby home

For a juicy goodnight kiss

But there was an eyeball staring at me between her parted lips…

eyeballs etc.

I went to the Institute

And asked the doctor there

In the Department of Eyeballs

“What’s the meaning of this [unintelligible]?!”

He said, “You aren’t crazy.

You ain’t insane,

It’s just you’ve got an eyeball in the center of your brain!”

eyeballs… etc., wig-out finish.

Yes folks, this song has everything. A genuinely creepy image; all the sexual tension you could want; the end of the song, where we learn that the poor guy has a conscience (the eyeball in the center of his brain!); and even the shock that comes when we suddenly bump into God where He’s not wanted or expected. Ever since I converted, I can’t hear this song without thinking about this (admittedly weird) interpretation. “The Politics of Dancing” is the feature where I project my own beliefs/neuroses/whatever onto rock songs, then share the results with you!

And is this what Lux Interior, Poison Ivy et al. were thinking when they recorded “Eyeball”? Uh, that’d be a “no.” But I still think it works. …More next Tuesday!