QUESTION IN THREE ACTS: So here’s a place to start with the spate of same-sex marriage posts. (Some of this language will probably be repeated from previous posts, but I’m hoping that by getting it all together in somewhat more coherent form I’ll make my position clearer. This turned out a lot longer than I expected, so I’m splitting it into three posts: question, my answer, and friendship.)

Why is marriage honored in our society and in our law?

It may seem like an odd question (to those not enamored of “privatizing” marriage). But there are all kinds of beneficial relationships, loving relationships, that don’t have the special status we give marriage. The easy ones include best friend (how many women would say this is the most important chosen relationship in their lives?), sibling, uncle or aunt; you might add beloved teacher or mentor as well. Other societies have had formal recognitions for some of these relationships–master/apprentice, for example. Robin Darling Young writes about a ceremony blessing a friendship, which is still used in some Orthodox churches, and which sounds beautiful–I would love to see this brought (back) into the Catholic church.

But friendship, though it often sustains us when our romantic relationships throw us into turmoil, does not receive the legal or social honors we give marriage; nor does pretty much anyone argue that it should. Why not? and are homosexual partnerships more like marriage, or more like (at best–I’m trying to bracket the morality of homosexual conduct as much as possible) these other relationships?

I think that’s one of the central questions in the same-sex marriage debate.