T.M.I.? A while ago, I realized that for years I’d been harboring a dark and suppressed anger: I resent dolphins.

Seriously.

What makes them think they’re so smart?

They’re like all peaceful and junk. They’re like the annoying hippies who hold you in contempt because you’re not as mellow and One with the Universe as they are, and also you think they should get a job.

So you can see that this Onion story would affect me adversely.

Just look at the one in the photo. I mean, don’t you want to slap that smug smile right off its blue face?

Via The Rat–member of a far preferable species. They may spread disease, but at least they’re not stuck up.