“GETTING FIRED”: THE BULLDOG AND THE HYENA. What I expect to be the second-to-last installment of the current short story. You can read the story so far starting here, or just get the new installment here.

I am very, very, very, very, very interested in receiving comments on the story, especially critical ones. A few things about this particular segment: I already know the blocking is atrocious. When I revise it I’ll have to go through and carefully plot out where everyone is standing and how (and why) each person gets from point A to point B.

What do you all think of the pigeons? I wanted a delaying mechanism, and the pigeons are cute in a way that this whole scene ought to be cute. But I’m not fully satisfied with the pigeon vignette and suspect it may be too much of a muchness. Should I reduce the pigeon stuff, or cut it entirely?

Too much smiling here? It’s really a sweet segment, so that’s kind of inevitable, but I did feel like I was writing “smiles” and “grins” about fifty times. Not sure what to do about that, though, since the reactions are in character and there are only so many non-pretentious ways to describe happy facial expressions.

I know Mr. Merced’s dialogue isn’t quite right. Needs to be slightly more elaborate. Will fix when I revise.

Other thoughts?