I SEND MY S.O.S. TO THE WORLD: So I mentioned that the Last Story of 2004, “Odysseus’s Scar,” needs a serious fixin’. Mostly, it needs to get longer. If you read the story, I’d really appreciate your thoughts on what needs to get added, since I am way too close to the material and cannot tell how it reads to others. So if you have anything to say about the questions below, please do email me. Criticism is, if anything, more welcome than praise; although if something really worked for you, that’s useful information too.

1. What do you still want to know about: Justin, David, Fr. Bianchi, Frank Harlowe, Mary Harlowe, Bill Harlowe, Kayla Harlowe? Do you want to know anything about Leonard Brand, Zehava, Simon, Verna, Donte, or Tom?

2. Do you want/need to see David’s family?

3. Which actions felt seriously undermotivated to you–places where you found yourself asking, “Okay, why is he doing that?” (I’m tempted to attribute the undermotivation to the fact that I was experimenting with writing a much more dialogue-heavy story than my usual; but the point here is to turn that into a successful experiment, rather than a failed one.)

4. What do you want to know about the political situation–the refugees, the separate peace, the CIA, etc.? Who did you think was right about what should be done, to the extent that you could form an opinion?

5. Most important: What did you think was the point or points of the story? I don’t write messy realism; I write philosophically-driven, distilled, and consciously framed fiction. I suspect “Odysseus’s Scar” reads much more like messy realism than I want it to, with the points I’m trying to illuminate obscured by poor plotting and undermotivation.

6. Minor points: Was Donte totally underused and turned into a plot device/token? Were there moments when the description or word choice made you wince? (Yes, I hate the “Afterschool Special” paragraph about Kayla’s parents as much as you do. But were there other similarly wincemaking moments?)

Any other comments would also be welcome. I’m sending up the Bat signal here, because I do think this story can be made good, I’m just not sure how. Many thanks.