LOATHE ACTUALLY: I just watched a very bad movie. It was bad in so many different ways that I will try to enumerate them for you, although I’m sure I will miss a few. So: The Crimes of “Love Actually.”

1. too much music…
2. …all of it horrible.
3. too many characters (so many that I confused one scrubby-Englishman-and-thin-blonde couple with another), thus
4. none of the plotlines ever get enough development to provoke emotional investment, so
5. the script relies on stereotypes, stupidly broad humor, and cliche.
6. so sugary my back teeth are still hurting.
7. lots of very dull culture-clash comedy,
8. including “defining British cultural identity solely by opposition to the United States.” Which… when you’re making a really really bad movie, best not to slap at the country that gave the world Hollywood.
9. I don’t think Hugh Grant can act. Am I wrong about this? Because I don’t know if I’ve seen any of his other movies (except for the truly great “Lair of the White Worm”), but he was pretty bad in this one–making cliches more cliched.
10. two “boss dating subordinate female” subplots.
11. horrid cute-kid subplot, with not great kid actor.
12. movie is set at Christmastime. Bad idea.
13. love at first sight/falling in looooooove despite not speaking same language.
14. creepy subplot requiring lots of “funny” nudity.

OK. Enough. Am now going to try to forget this whole thing ever happened.