SEE HER PICTURE IN A THOUSAND PLACES, ‘CAUSE SHE’S THIS YEAR’S GIRL: My reactions to those Dove ads, in chronological order (and I recognize that this is a very personal reaction):

1. (Hey, I’ll be honest with you) Whoa baby!!! That’s a spicy meat-a-ball! Can I get some fries with that–

2. Rrrrrright. Let’s back slowly away from the billboard. …And Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse, pray for us….

3. *sound of motor revving*

4. [INNER FEMINIST, INNER MARXIST, AND INNER CATHOLIC, IN UNISON] Stop that, you!

5. [STILL IN UNISON] Oh yeah. Pretty women posing in public in their underwear. That’s revolutionary.

6. What the heck is “firming cream” anyway? [Answer: snake oil.]

7. Ooh, isn’t this clever. Dove gets props for being all “affirming” of different body types, subverting the dominant whatever; and yet also snares the pro-“full-figured” demographic (especially, but–as item #1 shows–not exclusively black and Hispanic). Empowerment for some, hoochie mamas for others!

I mean, UPN has been running constant ads for that Queen Latifah “Beauty Shop” movie, now out on DVD. In these ads, Queen L poses in front of a mirror, and asks a girl, “Does this make my butt look big?”
“…Yeah.”
“Good!”

So how “subversive” is it, really, to put the Dove ads in the DC Metro, given that the models are still very very very very (…stop that, you!) pretty?

8. Look, if you’re gonna put hot women on a billboard, just do it. Don’t try to make it all “empowerment”-y, like women are honored by posing in their panties. Don’t pretend twenty “extra” pounds can substitute for a personality. Don’t pretend you’re on my side.

9. The Dove ads actually get away with more titillation than comparable “normal” ads–I can’t remember other campaigns that covered the Metro in underwear-clad women. (…And I think I would remember.) That’s a kind of advertising passive-aggression, and it’s really gross. Women’s bodies are educational! They’re infotainment! That’s… really, really creepy.