BLOG/RELIEF: Hey there. So… there are a lot of things that other people are doing to help, that I just can’t do. Apparently I can’t donate blood for health reasons (grr). Although I have hosted a homeless woman and child once in the past (pregnancy center client), I really can’t do that right now–I was freelancing then, and could set my own schedule, and even so it was only something that made sense to do because there was nowhere else this woman could go. I don’t have baby clothes (or used clothes of any kind, since I tend to wear until it falls apart) or other helpful in-kind donations. I’ve given money, but I’m trying to figure out other things I can do, and I see that other people are using their blogs to try to reward generosity and create the feeling of community that I think often does push people to give a little more. So I have no clue if anyone is interested, but if you are, here’s the deal: If you email me and tell me that you have made even a small contribution (monetary, in-kind, blood, volunteer, whatever) to disaster relief since seeing this post, I will write any of the following (you pick) and post it here:

1. review post of five children’s books you probably haven’t read (but you should!)

2. ditto for sci-fi or fantasy

3. ditto for “gay literature” (dumb marketing term, but there are some great books out there) or women’s studies/feminist writing–for the latter, I promise to say more than I said in my slaps-and-kisses post here.

4. in-depth analysis of director/camerawork choices in one or more scenes in a movie or television show (you can pick genre, but I will pick movie unless you know for sure I’ve seen something, and I will pick scene)

5. ditto for a page or series of pages in comics (again, you can pick genre, or if you know I’ve read the comics in question you can tell me which book and issue)

6. ditto for a photograph by Lee Miller or Weegee

7. a post answering any questions you have about anything on my rough drafts of fiction blog–anything from “Can you write another song for the Smith Singers?” to “What would happen if the director from ‘The Zombie Guide to Life’ made the movie version of ‘Odysseus’s Scar’?” to “…Um, what was the deal with that psychic lady on the beach?” Really anything. Answers will not contain spoilers, and I will avoid overexplaining–Walker Percy’s writing about his own writing made me not want to read anything other than the intense, brilliant Lancelot, so I will do my best to answer your questions (if you have any!) in a way that is fun for both of us and enticing for anyone who hasn’t yet read the story in question.

8. a recipe created just for you. (If your request is so specific that I’m not sure I can do anything original, I’ll find a cookbook recipe that fits.)

9. riffing on a Shakespeare play (assuming I’ve read it) or character. I’ve read most of them, and have Very Definite Views.

10. a review of an overrated movie

11. a list of the Best Headlines I’ve Ever Written

12. a list of my favorite pop/punk/etc. songs in any category (e.g. angry songs, Catholic songs, story-of-my-life songs, sensual songs, stupidly fun songs) with brief riffing on each

13. a good memory

14. Five Things I Know But Cannot Prove

15. links to ten posts from at least two years ago that I think you’ll still be interested in today

16. ten funny links

People who give more (as arbitrarily determined by me–blood and volunteering will always count for this; also, probably, money above $20) can ask for:

1. brief elaboration of any section of this “chapters in the book on How I Became a Catholic” post

2. a Spenserian stanza, possibly on a topic of your choosing (though I reserve the right to reject and write a stanza about something else)

I know you guys are already doing amazing things. This is just to reward the people who have given, and to do the things I can rather than focusing on the things I can’t do.