HOW TO GO TO COLLEGE. Busted Halo has a guide for freshmen here. It might not surprise you to learn that my own college experience is evidence against at least half the items on their list. I’d be pretty interested in other people’s reactions to my reactions, since I know my college experience was weird.

That’s due to my situation, and I know that. My impression is that Yale is (or was–I just turned thirty, and now I’m even older) much, much more lax about class attendance than many other universities. Yale is right, of course, but that doesn’t mean you can get away with skipping classes at Doesn’t Matter just because your administration has an awful educational philosophy. There are also obvious class issues; it’s easier to do college the way I did if you’re not work-study, although I saw a lot of people do it my way without the money, so don’t assume that a radical reshaping of worldview is a luxury good. Beyond all that–the BH guide is completely right if you want to achieve the goals with which you entered college.

If the goals with which you entered college felt, even to yourself, hollow and inadequate; or if they were soon revealed to be so; and if you are able to find some other, intense, personal community in which to pursue truth… here are some additions and corrections to the BH guide.

They Say: 1. Be Generous With Your Friendship But Stingy With Your Trust
“The friends you have back home didn’t get to be your friends overnight. It took months — or, more likely, years — to establish those friendships.”

I Say: Yeah, I agree with BH that colleges harbor their share of criminals, and far more than their share of drama queens. And I missed out on or lost time with some good friendships by trusting the wrong people. On the other hand, I don’t know that “stinginess” is the right metaphor here, ever. You’re dealing with people who are radically different from you, and if you’re lucky, you’ll reshape one another. Can you be stingy with yourself in philosophy?

I also agree, actually, that you can have a friend you don’t trust in every situation, but I’d like more clarity on what that means.

They Say: 2. Go to Class!
“Seems obvious—it IS why you’re at college—but you wouldn’t believe how many freshmen skip their way out of school. Do a little math and figure out how much it costs for you to have your butt in that chair per hour.”

I could not agree less. Look, it obviously depends. If you will flunk out unless you go to class, go to class! (Unless you and those to whom you’re responsible will benefit from whatever you do when you flunk out, in which case, talk to other people who have taken the collegeless route and then if it really seems like it might work, I won’t say you nay.) Apparently schools which aren’t Yale are really hardcore about class attendance, for some creepy high-school reason I can’t fathom. But if that’s how your school is, obviously, don’t get kicked out, and try not to skate. If you try to skate you will fall, because undergraduates can’t gauge how thin the ice is underneath them; if you try not to skate, you might skate.

If you can’t follow the material without going to class, go to class. The only class for which I had perfect attendance and for which I always did the reading was my freshman year class in “Plato’s metaphysics”–it was so ridiculously over my head that the only way I could manage “…decent work for a freshman” was to work my tail off.

Otherwise, go to class when it interests you. But seriously, if you’re at a college with Yale’s relative (and late-90s–again, I’m older than I’ve ever been) insouciance toward attendance, and Yale’s intense focus on extracurriculars, then you’re wasting the money that sent you there if you don’t take advantage of the amazing extracurricular opportunities you’ve been given. Know the policies that will affect your student career. But also know that, to use the cliche, the most important lessons are usually learned outside the classroom. Don’t waste your extracurricular time.

They Say: 3. For the First Few Weeks Live Like a Monk

This I actually think is decentish advice, not that I ever took it. Chastity, poverty, and obedience are very, very worthwhile ways to begin your college career.

About chastity, by the way, though: Look, you’re an American undergrad in 2008. You will have drama. Chastity will make that drama much, much more fruitful for you.

No joke: If you are hardcore about chastity, you can fall in love with your professors much more fruitfully. You can have all kinds of ridiculous, hurtful interpersonal drama, which I guarantee you’ll have anyway, but without the pregnancy scares and with a less-awful emotional intensity (it’ll still be sufficiently awful) and with a much larger range of possible objects of drama. You can get ridiculous about someone else with a much lesser chance of tanking your academic performance.

…I know you won’t believe me, but I’m totally right. Chastity means that when you fall hard for somebody you’re likelier to come out without horror on the other side of heartbreak. And if there’s no heartbreak, well–then you all can get frisky when you graduate.

They Say: 4. Sleep is Good

I Say: You know your own body best. If you’re so anxious, mind racing, that you can’t work when you don’t sleep, then yeah, BH’s advice is right. If you’re me, then you can get six hours a night at best through the semester, then spend the break with your face planted firmly in a pillow. You’re young and all-nighters may be totally available to you–they were to me–but do try to understand your own rhythms and needs. Know yourself, keep an eye on your moods and your relative energy/listlessness levels, and try not to rely solely on fried food and coffee for sustenance.

They Say: 5. Get Involved…but Not Too Involved

“The college experience is about so much more than classes. Campus activities and organizations are a great way to expand your horizons and connect with other students who share your interests. Every club, activity and association will be vying for your time. Be choosey. If you tend to be a ‘joiner,’ be careful not to over-commit yourself.”

I don’t even know what to say. Sure, most extracurrics are as pointless as most classes. But if you find something worth diving into headfirst, and you can still be a student (see above re: don’t get kicked out), why not do it? Extracurrics are likely closer to what you’ll be doing in the so-called Real World than your classes are, anyway.

They Say: 7. Fight Homesickness Without Going Home

This is the first of several BH bits of advice with which I agree wholeheartedly. I wish I’d been more homesick as a freshman. I was much too callow to understand what my home and my family meant to me. Homesickness is a sign of genuine, if conflicted, self-understanding; but I agree that going home in response to it is more likely to exacerbate it than to help you reconcile your past and future.

I also agree that you should ask for help. Don’t assume it’s hopeless, whatever “it” is. Your dean, your RA, your health department, your mental health counselors–seriously, if you think you need them, talk to them.

And yeah, some people at your college will steal your stuff if you let them. Don’t let them.

They Say: 12. Too Much of a Dangerous Thing
“You might be tempted to tune this advice out because you’ve heard it so many times but…DON’T! I can’t tell you how many kids I’ve known who’ve bombed out because they drank too much! … Underage drinking is a bad idea. Don’t do it.”

Yeah, I can’t agree with this even one little bit. Again, pay attention to yourself, your patterns. Don’t flunk out! But… man, I’d be lyin’ like a rug if I said I regretted drinking underage. Drinking underage led me to do some very stupid things, and some things I genuinely regret. It also led me to do some fairly awesome things, and to do and say some things I needed to do and say. I guess what I’d say instead of “don’t!” is, “Read The Secret History, and keep in mind that there’s always death under Dionysos’ ecstasy.” And pay close attention to how your words and actions affect others.

They Say: “Just because you’re not a good arguer that doesn’t make you a bad Christian (or Jew or Muslim or Buddhist)!”

That’s definitely true. Again, this comes down to who you are, and to what extent you perceive your preexisting beliefs to be adequate. It’s ridiculous to say that every person in the world, regardless of educational background or intellectual capacity or vocation, should be able to win a debate with Richard Dawkins.

On the other hand, if you are drawn to intellectual discussion of your faith, maybe there’s a reason. If you’re troubled by the questions people around you raise, maybe that’s something you need to investigate. If you can be humble about your own ability to discern the truth, while still being valiant and ardent in your pursuit of truth, then I think you might have eros for truth, and that is a terrific thing.

Mistrust yourself. Pursue truth and beauty (and, because I’m me, I need to tell you to pursue sublimity). That is the very best way to go to college.