HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE (MOVIE) IN 15 MINUTES: (uh, warnings for Samuel L. Jackson-esque language and suchlike)

The Unbreakable Vow

[Narcissa has come to beg an unusually feathered Snape for her son’s life, and indeed, she is so distraught that her hair has gone two-toned. Her sister Bellatrix, however, is somewhat doubtful of Snape’s stick-to-it-iveness.]

SNAPE: Begone, Wormtail! Fetch us a meat pie or something.

BELLATRIX: You realize that, in promising to cover Draco’s ass, this is a vow that you cannot break, coward?

SNAPE: Yes.

BELLATRIX: Hence the unbreakability, scum?

SNAPE: Obviously.

BELLATRIX: And the vowness, Fluffy?

SNAPE: BRING IT.

Weasley & Weasley’s Plot Point Emporium

FRED (OR GEORGE): Wouldn’t it be awful if someone used our Instant Darkness Powder to infiltrate Hogwarts, thus leading to the death of Professor Dumbledore instead of just a harmless prank?

GEORGE (OR FRED): Well, that’s why I put an anti-irony charm on it!

FRED (OR GEORGE): Excellent.

My mother is a fish