HEY, JOE, I’M ALREADY THERE: Have you ever wanted to watch a John Hughes movie in which the Sex Pistols are played by Bikini Kill?

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains!

Look, it really is a John Hughes movie at its heart, so there are cartoonish racial/ethnic things which are clearly meant to parallel the class and sexual exploitation the moviemakers really understand, and which are therefore kind of attempts at empathy but which come across as gross funhouse mirrors. The class and sex issues are incredibly heartfelt though–the fluorescent colors are used to paint real, raw emotions. You can see it in the mother’s-forgiveness scene but it’s present from the very first scene.

It’s a morality tale as well, and in no way a subtle one. Chasing fame and money is bad even when it’s understandable due to a home life which led you to think that escaping your origins is an immeasurably-valuable and almost-unattainable goal. There’s a bit in the liner notes for Chumbawamba’s Shhh! album where they say something like, “Poor but honest just meant always having less than everyone else”; you’re set up to fail somebody, sacrificing either your own integrity or your family’s welfare. I see this a lot at the pregnancy center. People learn to work the system because where else can they work? So yeah… this movie knows why that happens, and also why the zero-sum game of “I’ve been jerked around so I can do whatever I want” is still cruel and disloyal. Again, it’s a primary-colors morality tale, but not an entirely stupid or unsympathetic one. The “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?” scene in this movie actually manages to be rawer than the true-life original.

Diane Lane, apparently just 15 when this was filmed, is perfect; actually all the actresses are perfect. The men not so much, but oh well.

The “professionals” song is pretty clearly based on the Raincoats’ terrific “Off-Duty Trip.”

The final MTV version of the Stains’ big, stolen hit is so amazingly perfect that I could almost hear Casey Kacem introducing it. “Q-107, Washington’s top 40! That was ‘Karma Chameleon’; now here’s the Stains!” Absolutely incredible pastiche. About to listen to the first of two commentary tracks.