The love story between God and man consists in the very fact that this communion of will increases in a communion of thought and sentiment, and thus our will and God’s will increasingly coincide: God’s will is no longer for me an alien will, something imposed on me from without by the commandments, but it is now my own will, based on the realization that God is in fact more deeply present to me than I am to myself.
—Deus Caritas Est

One of (at least) three things seems to happen to me each time I attempt this self-abandonment: 1) I remain trapped in the self, feeling spiritually clumsy, very caught up in my own feelings and reactions, confused and ashamed and bored!–focused inward; 2) I get distracted, the mind goes elsewhere, I attempt to make a mental escape from the situation and its demands, and thus escape all the problems of my own will–focused outward but not on any Person; 3) I am able to apprehend, even briefly, God’s love and His creation of this world, and it’s actually very joyful and fulfilling just to kneel and pray and be there, to get a sense of what is really always going on whether I notice it or not–focused on God, usually on Christ. My own attentiveness and perseverance are necessary for 1) or 2) to move, even fleetingly, into 3). I need to be attentively, not passively, receptive to grace. …I also, yes, I know, need to go to Confession and receive Communion much more often. Very basic things cause major changes in one’s spiritual life….