APPARENTLY THE WARRANTY JUST RAN OUT ON MY LIFE: Computer crashed in a fashion so exotic I saw screens I’d never seen before. (Fixed now–thank you, Old Oligarch.) Sink and bathtub both need a fixin’. Fluorescent lights over sink, i.e. the lights I can’t fix myself, burnt out. (Fixed now, at a cost of $6.) The ol’ ratty jeans with a hole at the knee are now my “good pants.” DVD/CD player broke.

And my neck hurts.

I mean, not like, “Oh, my neck hurts.” That was yesterday. Today is more like, A sumo wrestler just sat on my neck. Or, A soap-opera vixen just smashed a vase over my head because I told her I wasn’t her baby’s father. Or, I just got rear-ended; which is especially galling since I can’t drive. In short, my neck hurts a lot, from jaw all the way across my right shoulderblade. Motrin is helping a little but not much. All your suggestions are welcome. This has been a minor nagging problem for several days, and hot baths don’t seem to do much, but today is just egregious. I can’t open my mouth without pain. (And if this is God trying to tell me to shut up, you know, I’d really prefer skywriting.)