“ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL”: Now that I’ve finally read that play, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to use the phrase again. Almost as creepy as “Measure for Measure,” a play Harold Bloom rightly labeled “rancid.” Oh look! let’s do hideously stupid, self-mutilating things for no reason, then get treated horribly by our beloved, then laugh and smile and dance when he takes us back in the final five minutes! [insert Sideshow Bob stepping on a rake noise…]

If you want to sample this putrescent variety of Shakespeare, go for “Measure,” which is clearer, better written, and more ferocious.