I WANT ASSAULT RIFLES AS LONG AS THEY’RE FREE; I WANT YOUR LOVE: It’s been many years since I’ve run a contest on this blog. But in honor of what’s happening right now in Tunisia, in Egypt, and in every country where people watch those scenes and dream of freedom–especially those countries where the American mainstream media response is, “But we liked your dictators!”–I will print any awesome rewritings of “Bad Romance” in which the two parties are the US and her client states. I don’t care who is whom.

(I won’t, and I wish this were obvious, print anything which doesn’t understand why Israel happened. Huge hint: It’s about England and the USA at least as much as it’s about the Holocaust. If you don’t understand why Israel’s existence as a religious state is the result of Christian Western NIMBYism from Hell, then I don’t really know what to do with you.)

Joe Biden says, “Mubarak has been an ally of ours in a number of things. And he’s been very responsible on, relative to geopolitical interest in the region, the Middle East peace efforts; the actions Egypt has taken relative to normalizing relationship with – with Israel. … I would not refer to him as a dictator.”

Lady Gaga says, “You’re not a criminal as long as you’re mine.”