This has to be one of the funniest things I have seen since Thank You for Smoking. The Hollywood Reporter (via Reuters) says anti-smoking activists are turning their sights on Hollywood — and making one of the loopiest demands I have ever heard:
Anti-tobacco activists worldwide plan to march Thursday from the Washington Convention Center to Motion Picture Association of America headquarters and call on the MPAA to take action to reduce smoking in the movies, including requiring an R rating for any movies with a non-historical depiction of smoking.
Now what the heck would a “historical” depiction of smoking be?
Will filmmakers have to prove that each and every puff on a pipe or cigar or cigarette is a dramatization of an actual instance of smoking in the past, in order to avoid the dreaded R rating?
Will distinctions be made between black-and-white movies set 50+ years ago like Good Night, and Good Luck (2005), which was based on a true story, and black-and-white movies set 50+ years ago like The Man Who Wasn’t There (2001), which wasn’t?
What about movies like The Lord of the Rings (2001-2003), which was basically pure fantasy but, according to J.R.R. Tolkien, was supposed to take place in our own world many, many years ago?
Heck, what about The Chronicles of Narnia, in which the Professor smokes in this world? Is it fantasy? Is it “historical”? Is it both?
Come to think of it, what exactly would the cut-off date be? How far back would a scene of smoking have to take place before it would no longer get an automatic R rating? Five years? Ten? Fifty?
And will distinctions be made between cigarettes, cigars, and pipes, the same way that the MPAA currently makes distinctions between S-words and F-words (and between different kinds of F-words, i.e. if you use the F-word in a sexual way, the film is automatically rated R, but if you use it in a non-sexual way and you use it only once, maybe twice, then the film is PG-13)?
And what if there is smoke but no fire? I.e., what if a scene takes place in a bar with a smoky ambience, or some such thing, but we never see anyone actually light up? Y’know, kind of like how outright nudity typically gets an R rating but merely suggesting it (think Rebecca Romijn in X-Men 3) frequently gets a PG-13?
The American ratings system is too screwed up and politicized as it is; the last thing anyone needs is yet another set of stupid criteria to worry about. Then again, it would give those of us who love to mock the ratings system a whole lot more to work with.
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