“Have a good life. Goodbye.” – Dad

“Have a good life. Goodbye.” – Dad March 24, 2014

o-letter-to-gay-son-5701

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” That’s crap. Absolutely untrue. Bones will heal, words can hurt forever.

I have a flood of emotions as I read this letter from a Dad to his gay son. I am a parent of five children and my primary job is to love them and display God’s love in their lives. They will make a lot of decisions about who God is and what kind of God He is, as well as decisions about themselves, based on their relationship with me. It’s just the way it is.

We parents have a massive impact on our children. Our words, and our love and acceptance – or our withholding of love and acceptance – will impact their lives forever.

This father’s selfish words and condemnation will impact James for the rest of his life…

“James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don’t expect any further conversations with me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You’ve made your choice though wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad”

Parents, please do not inflict this kind of harm upon your children. It is not only your task, but your privilege to love your gay child. Above all else. Even if you are conflicted. Even if you disagree. Your love and acceptance are at the core of your child’s understand of the love of God.

Regardless of where you stand on this particular issue, I beg you to look beyond yourself. It took great courage for your child to come out to you. They are brave. They are scared too. They are probably wrestling through a lot of issues. Not only do they need your affirmation and acceptance – but you have an opportunity to actually take some of the weight off their shoulders. You can love and you can help bear their burdens.

Err on the side of love, acceptance, approval and affirmation – even if you disagree – and let the Holy Spirit work in your child’s life in His perfect way and timing. As Billy Graham said, “It is God’s job to judge, the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, and my job to love.”

Your child needs the same love God gave to you. Your child needs your approval. You child needs you.

(We celebrate FreedHearts one-year anniversary this week with special reposts of our TOP THREE POSTS OF THE PAST YEAR.  This one was #3, tomorrow is the #2 post of the year.)


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  • tanarhea

    What an absolutely heartbreaking letter for anyone to receive! Also what a blessing this father has missed out on, having his gay son in his life! I am a better person now, learning to love more fully, than I was before I found out about my son. So very sad for this young man to feel this rejection.

  • I’m with you, Michael. I can only think that the father views God this way, that God is ready to throw that father out if he “crosses the line.” I think that shift in our understanding about God is what’s needed. Thanks for your comment.

  • I’m with you, Michael. I can only think that the father views God this way, that God is ready to throw that father out if he “crosses the line.” I think that shift in our understanding about God is what’s needed. Thanks for your comment.

  • I could never ever do that to my gay 15 year old son, or my non-gay 9 year old son! I pray for this Dad, that his heart will burst open with love that only God can produce. I pray for this son, that his heart is protected by the love of God. May grace cover this family and may peace abound!

  • I could never ever do that to my gay 15 year old son, or my non-gay 9 year old son! I pray for this Dad, that his heart will burst open with love that only God can produce. I pray for this son, that his heart is protected by the love of God. May grace cover this family and may peace abound!

  • Yes, and yes. So glad you shared. The walls are cracking. These viewpoints are being seen for what they are on a much broader scale. It’s only a matter of time. Thanks for speaking, and thanks for the work you do every day. It’s terribly needed.

  • Yes, and yes. So glad you shared. The walls are cracking. These viewpoints are being seen for what they are on a much broader scale. It’s only a matter of time. Thanks for speaking, and thanks for the work you do every day. It’s terribly needed.

  • I am a father, I have seven children and never I could deny one of my children because he is gay, it is a shame who are we to tell our children which sexual orientation they owe credit note it is their private life not ours. In France, I am voluntary in an association ” Le Refuge ” which accommodates offer a psychological support and a food aid for the young people thrown to the street by their parents because they are homosexuals, and to say that we are in 2014, in which world live we *EQUALITY

  • I am a father, I have seven children and never I could deny one of my children because he is gay, it is a shame who are we to tell our children which sexual orientation they owe credit note it is their private life not ours. In France, I am voluntary in an association ” Le Refuge ” which accommodates offer a psychological support and a food aid for the young people thrown to the street by their parents because they are homosexuals, and to say that we are in 2014, in which world live we *EQUALITY

  • I’m sorry for your many lost years. And sorry for your mom, too. It was foolish. Also, if they truly believe in God, they should know they are not God, and they cannot speak for him on matters so weighty. It is about control, not God, because God tells us to love well and not to judge, both of which get thrown away when we reject someone this way. I say loudly now, to all parents reading this: people REGRET abandoning their child over this issue, but NO ONE regrets maintaining a loving relationship. Please, let someone else’s heartache be your fair warning. Donald, thank you for sharing. Best to you and your mom.

  • I’m sorry for your many lost years. And sorry for your mom, too. It was foolish. Also, if they truly believe in God, they should know they are not God, and they cannot speak for him on matters so weighty. It is about control, not God, because God tells us to love well and not to judge, both of which get thrown away when we reject someone this way. I say loudly now, to all parents reading this: people REGRET abandoning their child over this issue, but NO ONE regrets maintaining a loving relationship. Please, let someone else’s heartache be your fair warning. Donald, thank you for sharing. Best to you and your mom.

  • Yes, I agree. Along with the ones about loving and not judging. Thank you, kiethos.

  • Yes, I agree. Along with the ones about loving and not judging. Thank you, kiethos.

  • Reblogged this on Sun's coming up.

  • Reblogged this on Sun's coming up.

  • Not sure about that. It’s not as clear as all that. This is one link to check. I’m not saying this is the answer, but I’m saying it’s at least questionable.

  • Not sure about that. It’s not as clear as all that. This is one link to check. I’m not saying this is the answer, but I’m saying it’s at least questionable.