Dear Susan: Should I Worry About My Family’s Response?

When we are someone who much of the church has labeled as wrong, “the others”, even an abomination, we can’t help but worry about the impact our lives will have on those we love.

Should our concern about our family’s response cause us to compromise living true to ourselves? It is a question many in the gay community struggle with.

I write Dear Susan posts every Friday. Sometimes they are poignant, sometimes thought-provoking, sometimes tender, sometimes funny… but hopefully always worth the read.

Dear Susan,

I’m having a hard time not worrying about my family’s reaction to me being lesbian, because our “journeys” feel intertwined. How I live and what I share impacts them, especially with our larger family and vice versa. I think things (hopefully!?) will shake out soon. How worried should I be?

A Loving Daughter

Dear Loving Daughter,

I so appreciate your tender heart. Let me share a story with you…

When I was homeschooling, many years ago, I wanted my kids to love reading — and some do! But some love video games. I really hated it. Can’t they enjoy A Wrinkle in Time instead of Tony Hawk Skater game?

My very wise husband (an outstanding father) said to me, “If you don’t embrace their love of videogames, you stand to make yourself irrelevant.” He was so right! After hearing him say it about 30 times, I got it!

Yes, I had this romantic notion of them sitting around reading enthralling tales hours at a time (some DO that — ha!), but most of my kids had other preferences, and I had to be okay with that.

It may sound like a silly comparison, but it truly is the difference between my choice for their life and their choice for their life!

Parents who cannot get their head around LGBTQ — undoubtedly from fear and years of wrong teaching — stand to make themselves irrelevant. Sad but true.

Their reaction is their choice. You cannot take it on your shoulders. The weight can be debilitating.

YOU have to live true to yourself. The joy and peace and happiness that comes from that will impact your family more than you know.

You can certainly talk to them about things but YOU are the one who has to decide what you’re going to do, who you’re going to be, regardless of your parents’ thoughts about it.

That is the right way to live. It leads to true peace.

And it’s the only way to freedom.