Even before we came out as parents of a gay child, and as allies and advocates, we had been accused of taking grace “too far.”
If you can take grace too far, then it’s not grace. We have always been about love and life, more than behavior and performance. This is why a question like this really touches something deep within me.
Parents are worried, confused, scared – but they need to understand that ANY teaching that says that their child is separated from God because they are gay is not only wrong, but is in complete contradiction to the Bible, the teachings of Jesus, and the truth of the Gospel.
Let’s answer this in more detail…
I write Dear Susan posts every Friday. Sometimes they are poignant, sometimes thought-provoking, sometimes tender, sometimes funny… but hopefully always worth the read.
Dear Susan,
Your post about Ryan Robertson and how he lost his life breaks my heart. I have read it many times over the past year.
You see, my 14-year-old son came to me with the same revelation and I thought the life had been punched out of me.
How do I accept this when I know acting on these feelings will separate my son from God? The bible is clear on this. I know this is not God’s will for him.
I just pray each day that Gods plan for his life will come to pass. I show him unconditional love. I don’t know what else to do!
A Desperate Mom
Dear Desperate Mom,
I’m glad you wrote. I hope you will rethink your response in light of Ryan’s story.
Jesus tells us to love, not to try to get people to act the way we think they should — even if we can point to Bible verses to ‘prove’ it.
Remember, the Pharisees used Bible verses to judge others, and Jesus told them they were dead wrong. He repeatedly said, “You read this, but I tell you this.” They were misinterpreting the Bible and missing God’s heart and the truth. The same thing is happening about gay people.
Acting on his feelings will NOT separate your son from God. I encourage you to read more about it. Let God speak to you. Ask God to show you what HE wants you to think about it.
I recommend A Letter to My Congregation and other links, books, and sites on my key resources page.
I would also recommend that you take a look at my book – “Mom, I’m Gay” – Loving Your LGBTQ Child Without Sacrificing Your Faith. It will address many of the issues with which you struggle.
I believe God is calling you to press into God to direct your heart.
Jesus always upset people’s ‘religious’ understanding, and called them to love radically, inclusively and unreasonably, and leave the rest to God.
Your son is likely feeling like he is not only disappointing you, but also disappointing his church, and even disappointing God. Just imagine the pain in his heart.
Mom, please, please come alongside your precious son. Stand with him. Err on the side of love and let God bring answers and peace to you.
Your son deserves that much.
All the best to you,
Susan
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