I Was the Lucky One — I Did Not Grow Up in a “Christian” Home

“If you look closely, you will see that the things the church emphasizes as truly sinful are usually body-based, and the things we pick as absolutely essential are those that tie us to dependence upon the clergy. Notice how different this selective morality is from the radical morality of Jesus. Jesus tells his followers ‘Set your heart on God’s kingdom and God’s justice first, and all these other things will be taken care of.’ If you are involved in church work, you know that this kiss of death to any lecture series is to put the word ‘justice’ in the title. How did we get to such a place that the things Jesus never even mentions (birth control, abortion, homosexuality) have become the very litmus tests of Christian faith?” – Richard Rohr

When I first learned about Jesus’ extraordinary standing offer—to love and embrace me beyond all understanding—I jumped all over that thing. “Jesus came to tell me God loves me? Exactly as I am? No hidden fees, no signed contract? HELL YES!”

It was a matter of life and death for me. I’d been exhausted by the unswimmable tides of acceptance/rejection, cute-enough-for-attention/invisibility, almost clever enough for approval/you’ve-gotta-be-kidding me. Flung into this rising and falling sea of humanity came this life preserver of unconditional, irrevocable acceptance: GOD LOVES ME!

This is the Hyper-Victorious, Astoundingly Good News of the Gospel. Where humanity had failed me, God rescued me. I was only fourteen.

I was the lucky one—I did not grow up in a “Christian” home.

No one tied behavior to “godliness” or shamed me for failing God. No one terrified me about “righteousness.” The shame I absorbed in my dysfunctional home was never tied to God; God was the generous hand outta there.

Many of you, the LGBTQ people I know and love, have had the opposite experience. Your church and family have battered you on the rocks of shame and despair—and told you God is the one doing it.

What worse abuse exists than telling a child God is not happy with them (and never will be)?? What recourse does that child have?

Richard Rohr’s words above are a beautiful way of saying the church has got it all inside-out…

Justice is a beautiful word; it means to treat humanity well, with compassion and dignity. It’s everything Jesus talked about. He reamed  those religious leaders who did otherwise.

Has the word righteousness been used against you? It means JUSTICE. It means treating people with compassion and dignity. It does NOT mean dotting every i and crossing every t. All of that is just self-congratulatory side-stepping of the real work of loving others.

Let me encourage you here. If you are being told you are “unrighteousness,” mentally turn that inside-out. Ask yourself if this is either some “body-based” concern (sexual identity or orientation), or is tied to dependence on the clergy (“the pastor says…”). If so, forget it. Instead, ask yourself this: “Am I loving God and loving others?” [Click]  “Do I act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God?” [Click]  If so, you’re good.

I have included a few verses replacing the word righteous with justice, to help you turn this poor understanding inside-out. Try them on and see if they give you a whole lot more breathing room.

“Seek God’s kingdom and God’s justice above all else, and God will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33.

“Blessed are they who observe justice, who do justice at all times!” Psalm 106:3

“So flee youthful passions and pursue justice, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22.(Anybody been beaten with that verse? But to flee youthful passion to pursue justice is an entirely different thing!)

“Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of justice, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:6.

“But let justice roll down like waters, justice like an ever-flowing stream.” Amos 5:24. (Wouldn’t that transform the world?!)

I have seen your hearts, beloved LGBTQ community, as you have generously shared them with me. Your deepest desire is to find life and love and peace. Even if you have been tossed on the waves of disapproval and shame, but let me tell you: you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Let this reframing of justice be your lifeline outta there.

With all my love, Susan

For information on Susan’s new book for LGBTQ to help heal from parent, family, religious and community wounds, please CLICK HERE.

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