Between These Four Walls

This may be categorized under the heading ‘too much information’ but I was in the bathroom the other day and on my way out, instead of opening the door, I just leaned on it. For about 10 minutes I just stood their frozen, paralyzed almost at the magnitude of the responsibilities that lie just outside the bathroom door. It was as if it had suddenly become a portal—instead of a potty—into a world of calm and I was unexpectedly in a place of serene solitude and I just wanted to stay there a little longer.

Within the four walls of my bathroom there is peace and quiet. Nobody needs me and I can be alone. Within these four walls, playing around with my hair and makeup is fun; outside it’s a waste of time because more important things need to be done. Within these walls, taking a long, hot bubble bath is a well-deserved luxury; outside it’s a selfish indulgence.

Outside, the world of one beating heart and two out-stretched arms beckon me to be her everything: her doctor, her chef, her jester, her carriage, her music box: her mom. And I’m blessed and honoured to be all those things and more but that doesn’t take away from the reality that it can be a lot on us mothers and we all need a refuge. So my question to you is, what special place have you found to be alone with your thoughts?

I’m happy we have this wonderful community on growmama to come to and reflect and vent and laugh and cry on the events surrounding our daily lives. May Allah bless all the women working so hard to keep it running smoothly. For me, this forum is like a pair of outstretched arms embracing me and helping me along and I hope you all feel the hug being given back.

Lena Hassan

Lena Hassan lives in Ottawa, Ontario and is a loving mother of one.