The Stormy Pamphlet: A Hamilton Parody for a President and a Porn Star

Hamilton nerds, rejoice. It’s a fun Friday. 

This morning, I posted an article about the Trump-Stormy Daniels debacle, along with the lyrics: “Follow the money and see where it goes/the Emperor has no clothes.” And a friend responded with, “It’s The Stormy Pamphlet!” For those not versed in Hamilton, this is a play on “The Reynolds Pamphlet.” It’s the part where Alexander Hamilton’s political rivals release the details of the torrid affair that ultimately leads to his political demise. I trust I don’t have to overdraw the connection here. 

Anyway, I challenged this friend, who’s always excelled at satirical composition, to actually write “The Stormy Pamphlet.” Which he did, in about five minutes. Because of his military connections, he asked me to leave his name off of the post, but wanted to share it anyway. (Here are links to listen to or read lyrics from the Reynolds Pamphlet, which this parody is based upon; and actual Reynolds Pamphlet, a historical document from 1797.) 

Enjoy this brilliant spoof and have a happy weekend. May Monday find our Tweeter-in-Chief “in the eye of a hurricane.” Or, at the very least, in the eye of a very Stormy legal battle …

[FULL COMPANY]

The Stormy Pamphlet!

[MCCAIN/FLAKE/PUTIN]

Have you read this?!

[SCHUMER/MCCAIN/FLAKE]

The President had a tepid affair,

And he wrote it all down – right there!

[FLAKE]

HIGHLIGHTS!

[TRUMP]

The charge against me is a connection with one MICHAEL COHEN

For purposes of legal chicanery.

My REAL crime is an amorous connection with a porn star

For a half a second, with his knowing assistance.

[SCHUMER/MCCAIN/FLAKE]

Damn!

[TRUMP]

I had a couple meetings with her, most of them at the Trump Hotel.

[SCHUMER]

At the Trump Hotel!

[DEEP VOICE]

Damn!

[TRUMP]

Mrs. Trump with our children being busy, having just given birth.

[FLAKE/SCHUMER]

No….

[FULL COMPANY]

BOOOO!

[FLAKE/SCHUMER]

Have you read this?

[MCCAIN]

Well, how the hell is he President now?

[FLAKE/SCHUMER]

How the hell is he President now?

[MCCAIN]

How the hell is he President now?

[FLAKE/SCHUMER]

How the hell is he President now?

[MCCAIN]

That’s one more thing to worry about,

[MCCAIN/FLAKE/SCHUMER]

That’s one more thing to worry about.

[PUTIN]

I came as soon as I heard.

[MCCAIN]

What?!

[TRUMP]

Vladimir –

[COMPANY]

All the way from Moscow? DAMN!

[TRUMP]

Vladimir, thank God, someone who understands what I’m dealing with here.

[PUTIN]

I’m not here for you…

[COMPANY]

OHHHHH!

[PUTIN]

You must be stupid, deaf, dumb and blind,

To do something that could backfire spectacularly like this kind,

You shtupped a porn star and then left her with Big Ben,

And when this catches up with you, well, what then?

Put what we had aside,

Your reputation’s fried,

America, I hope you’re satisfied,

God, I hope you’re satisfied.

[MCCAIN/FLAKE/SCHUMER]

Well how the hell is he President now?

[EVERY DEMOCRAT AND THINKING REPUBLICAN IN AMERICA]

How the hell is he President now?

[MCCAIN/FLAKE/SCHUMER]

Well how the hell is he President now?

[EVERY DEMOCRAT AND THINKING REPUBLICAN IN AMERICA]

How the hell is he President now?

[MCCAIN/FLAKE/SCHUMER]

That’s one more thing to worry about.

[EVERY DEMOCRAT AND THINKING REPUBLICAN IN AMERICA]

One more thing to worry about.

[MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN BROS]

Hey, at least he was honest on Twitter!

[MCCAIN/FLAKE/SCHUMER]

That’s one more thing to worry about.

[EVERY DEMOCRAT AND THINKING REPUBLICAN IN AMERICA]

One more thing to worry about.

[FULL COMPANY]

The Stormy Pamphlet!

[MCCAIN/FLAKE/SCHUMER]

Have you read this?

You ever see somebody dive headfirst into a pile of shit…

[TRUMP]

And WIN ANYWAY?