Is there any relationship between your Myers-Briggs personality type and the way you deal with shame?
One site, personalitygrowth.com, suggests how this might be true. I’ll give a few examples listed in the article but you will have to go there to see the rest. Tell me how and if it fits your M-B type.
Every personality type deals with shame in different ways and some struggle to cope more than others. Here are the ways in which each Myers-Briggs type handles feeling ashamed.
Myers-Briggs and Shame
INFJs actually experience shame on very drastic levels, and sometimes suffer from a shame spiral that can be hard to pull out of. Once the INFJ begins to feel embarrassed for something they have done, they may find themselves thinking about all of their previous shameful actions. INFJs can be extremely hard on themselves, so they definitely struggle with feelings of shame.
The best way to help an INFJ cope with feeling ashamed, is by reminding them of their true self. They need to understand that they are not worthless just because they have made mistakes. Even the kindest souls have had moments where they haven’t been perfect.
INTPs may appear much more impervious to shame than they actually are. They are intelligent individuals who are often capable of being rather discerning about other peoples opinions of them. When it comes to people the INTP cares for or holds to a high regard, they will be rather susceptible to their judgments. INTPs will feel ashamed if they have hurt someone that they care for, or if they have done something embarrassing during their more “open” moments. INTPs actually care very much about the people around them, which can result in them feeling ashamed.
The best way to help the INTP cope with these shameful feelings, is by helping them reach logical conclusions. Help them understand how they can avoid these bad situations in the future. When they INTP is armed with logic they feel much more comfortable moving on.
INTJs will usually only experience feeling shame when they have failed to live up to their own expectations. They will definitely not become easily manipulated into feeling ashamed by those around them. INTJs are often extremely aware when someone is attempting to manipulate them, and it will close them off to that person immediately. INTJs will experience internal shame when they realize they have not lived up to their full potential.
INTJs often would prefer to deal with their emotions on their own. Once they are aware that they are feeling a certain way, they simply need time alone to cope and move on.
ENTJs often feel ashamed when they feel like they have failed at a task. They put a lot of pressure on themselves to be successful and this can cause their expectations to be rather high. If the ENTJs hasn’t accomplished a personal goal how they would have hoped, they might feel personally ashamed. They will often be very good at overcoming these feelings though.
The best way for the ENTJ to move past their feelings of shame, is by accomplishing an even greater task. They often love a challenge and will be able to find something else to distract them from their negative feelings.
ISTJs are extremely hard working individuals and they might experience feelings of shame if they feel like they have failed in some ways. If the ISTJ has chosen the wrong person to date, or isn’t doing well at their job- this will cause them to feel very ashamed. ISTJs want to be able to accomplish their goals without failure, which can put a bit too much pressure on making the right decisions.
The best way to help an ISTJ cope with their feelings of guilt is simply by letting them know how well they are actually doing. Show them other people who aren’t accomplishing nearly as much as them and they will realize how good they are actually doing in their lives.
ESFPs spend most of their time soaking up life and trying to live in the present moment. If the ESFP feels like their sometimes flighty actions have harmed other people, they will feel ashamed of this. ESFPs may be better at hiding their shame, but that does not mean they do not experience those emotions.
The best way to help an ESFP cope with their shame is by forgiving them. Let them know that you are okay with their mistakes and that everyone makes them from time to time. Sometimes it helps to let them know of a time they you messed up as well.