The sky has been dark all afternoon. Lately, it seems the sky is always dark. The drive down was longer than usual. Tonight, I sit in a hotel room. Tomorrow, I will be on Texas’ Death Row visiting inmate Will Speer.
I had a tremendous amount of time to think on the way down. Sometimes such excesses of time are good and sometimes they are not. My mind wondered to my ministry over the last year. I have experienced tremendous highs and staggering lows. I have been called both a demon and a saint…sometimes by the same person in the same day. I guess such is the danger of being called pastor.
Tomorrow, I will sit on death row and love my friend Will Speer. We will share tremendous words and enjoy many laughs, but there will be one thing hanging over the entirety of the visit…the State of Texas is determined to kill my friend and I often feel like there is little I can do about it. Loving in those spaces where there is nothing you can do except love and having to face the consequences of life is the danger of being called pastor.
There will be those throughout my life who ask me to be there for them in their lowest moments…and then when I need them I will stand alone. This is the danger of being called pastor.
Tonight, I will lay my head down knowing that the way of Jesus leads to a lonely death and that I am called to follow. This is the danger of being called pastor.
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