Each year, I construct a Lenten journey centered on various manifestations of the last words of people who have been executed. This year, I used the last words of the last 40 people executed in the United States. Each Lenten day centers on one reflecting on the last words of the executed, a brief prompt and a prayer. The version available for sale on Amazon includes pictures of all 40 guys. The version below is a free version that just includes the text. I hope these words bless you in your reading as much as they blessed me in my preparing.
-JH.
The Existential Journey
40 Days with the Final Words of the Condemned
Jeff Hood
For Steven Nelson, who helped me to ponder better.
We’re born. We exist. We die. It all seems so clear. Of course, we all know that it’s not. Throughout our lives, we’re doomed to ponder what it all means. Like anyone else, I ponder. For whatever reason, I’ve found great meaning in the final words of those who’ve been executed. Perhaps, it’s because I’ve known so many of them. At present, I’ve seen nine different people executed. Their final words have never left me. In this small volume meant to coincide with the season of Lent, I offer parts of the final words of the last forty people executed in the United States as sort of an existential journey. The short meditations and prayers are more existential than what I would normally construct. Then again, perhaps more existential is closer to the divine than we realize. Indeed, Alfred Lord Tennyson spoke the truth, “There lives more faith in honest doubt…than in half the creeds.”
The Rev. Dr. Jeff Hood
February 21, 2025
- Jemaine Cannon
“Yes, I confess with my mouth and believe in my heart that God raised Jesus from the dead. Therefore, I am saved. Thank you.”
What does it take to be saved? What is one saved from? Where is one saved to?
Prayer.
Save me.
- James Barber
“No words would fit how I feel.”
Are there places beyond words? How do we get there? How do we get back?
Prayer.
I have no words.
- Johnny Johnson
“God Bless. Sorry to the people and family I hurt”
Do people even believe that it’s possible to regret one’s actions anymore? There seems to be so little forgiveness in the world.
Prayer.
Help me to have regrets.
- James Barnes
Silence.
Peace. You close your eyes. You leave this place.
Prayer.
Silence.
- Anthony Sanchez
“I’m innocent. I didn’t kill nobody.”
Why is truth so hard to believe? It doesn’t matter which direction you come from. The truth is always so fleeting. What is truth?
Prayer.
I’m innocent.
- Michael Zack
“I make no excuses. I lay no blame. But how I wish that I could have a second chance, to live out my days in prison and continue to do all I can to make a difference in this world.”
How do we take responsibility for our actions? Is it possible to live without excuses? The measure of the good life seems to be very closely connected to the difference that one can make.
Prayer.
I’m responsible.
- Jedidiah Murphy
“Yes Warden, To the family of the victim I want to say I sincerely apologize for all I did. I hope this bring you closure, thank you. I want to sight Psalm 34…Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing. Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord…I love you take me home…”
Can one be rescued from their fears? How does such a rescue happen? What happens when your fears won’t let you go?
Prayer.
I’m not afraid.
- Brent Brewer
Yes Warden, I would like to tell the family of the victim that I could never figure out the words to fix what I have broken. I just want you to know that this 53-year-old is not the same reckless 19-year-old kid from 1990. I hope you find peace. Thank you, Warden.
Are there things that cannot be fixed? Can we grow? Are we now what we once were?
Prayer.
Grow my soul.
- Casey McWhorter
“I’m coming home Lord! I’m coming home!”
Hope is home and home is hope. One has to have hope in order to start the trek home. One must have sort of idea of a home in order to hope in it. Where is hope? Where is home?
Prayer.
Show me the right direction.
- David Renteria
“I will see y’all in the other world. I’m ready warden. Send me home.”
We come from somewhere. We are header somewhere. There is something in us that knows the direction. Maybe home is etched on all of our hearts.
Prayer.
Led me home.
- Phillip Hancock
“They’re vile. They’re virtue-less. They’re without honor. This is insane.”
What does honor look like in a society that murders its’ citizens? Can there ever be honor in such a place? Murder is at the epicenter of evil.
Prayer.
Help me to be sane in an insane world.
- Kenneth Smith
“Tonight, Alabama causes humanity to take a step backwards. … I’m leaving with love, peace and light.”
What is humanity? What responsibility do we have to our fellow humans? Are we more than individuals? Where are we going?
Prayer.
Step forward.
- Ivan Cantu
“I want you all to know that I don’t think that this situation here will bring you closure. If this is what it takes or have any reservations off in your mind, then so be it. This is not going to help you guys and I want you to know from me that it never occurred.”
What is closure? Where does it come from? How do you achieve it? What value does it have? Can you give it to others? Is it real?
Prayer.
Grant me closure.
- Michael Smith
“Nah, I’m good.”
Sometimes when we’re good, the world is not. Do we have a responsibility to make the world good? Or, are we just responsible to our own goodness?
Prayer.
I’m good.
- Brian Dorsey
“I am truly, deeply and overwhelmingly sorry…To all those on ALL sides of this sentence, I carry no ill will or anger, only acceptance and understanding.”
There are always sides. Why are humans so determined to choose a side? Is it possible to love all sides? Can we exist in a world beyond sides?
Prayer.
Lead me beyond all sides.
- Jamie Mills
“I love my family. I love my brother and sister. I couldn’t ask for anything more…. I love y’all. Carry on.”
What does it mean to carry on?
Prayer.
Carry on.
- David Hosier
“I’m the luckiest man on Earth … I’ve been able to speak the truth of my innocence. I’ve been able to reminisce with family and friends new and old. I’ve been able to learn to be, the fullest version of me…I leave you all with love. Now, I get to go to heaven. Don’t cry for me. Just join me when your time comes.”
We ask for directions. Sometimes directions find us. How do we know the right direction?
Prayer.
Help me to be lucky.
- Ramiro Gonzales
“I lived the rest of this life for you guys to the best of my ability for restitution, restoration taking responsibility. I never stopped praying for all of you. I never stopped praying that you would forgive me and that one day I would have this opportunity to apologize.”
Restoration is impossible. We cannot restore that which we’ve taken. Why do we talk about restoration? Maybe we place our hope in a final restoration that is possible?
Prayer.
Restore everything.
- Richard Rojem
“I’ve said my goodbyes…”
Are there times where you wish people would say more? How do you fill in the gaps? Do you say all that you need to say? Are you afraid of goodbyes?
Prayer.
Goodbye.
- Keith Gavin
“I love my family.”
What is family? Why are they worthy of our love? Are there ever times where family is not worthy of love? Do you love your family?
Prayer.
Help me to love my family.
- Arthur Burton
“I love you guys. Bird, Bird is going home. To all the people I have hurt and caused pain, I wish we didn’t have to be here at this moment, but I want you to know that I am sorry for putting y’all through this and my family. I’m not better than anyone, I hope that I find peace and y’all can too.”
Are we ever better than anyone? How come we spend so much time judging others? Is the point of life to be agents of judgment or change? How would you want to be treated?
Prayer.
I’m not better than anyone.
- Taberon Honie
“From the start it’s been, if it needs to be done for them to heal, let’s do this. If they tell you you can’t change, don’t listen to them. To all my brothers and sisters in here, continue to change. I love you all. Take care.”
What needs to be done to heal? Is the price ever too high? How far would you go to heal?
Prayer.
Heal me.
- Loran Cole
“No sir.”
Sometimes the rejection of norms is the highest form of resistance. Are there ever times where you’re expected to speak and silence might say more?
Prayer.
No sir.
- Freddie Owens
“Bye.”
People spend so much time trying to make things last. Sometimes it’s best to just be done. Then again, sometimes it’s not. How do we know when it is time to say bye?
Prayer.
I’m done.
- Marcellus Williams
“All Praise Be to Allah in Every Situation!!!”
There are certain decisions that we make that can dictate our response to every situation. What decisions have you made?
Prayer.
Help me to find praise.
- Travis Mullis
“… that accepted me for the man I became during my best and worst moments”
Change is inevitable. We either change for the good or for the bad. Then again, maybe there is a road between such dichotomies. I guess one would call it…life.
Prayer.
Help me to find acceptance.
- Emmanuel Littlejohn
“Everything is going to be OK. I love you.”
What does it mean for one to be ok? Are you ok?
Prayer.
Everything is ok.
- Alan Eugene Miller
“I didn’t do anything to be in here…I didn’t do anything to be on death row…thank you.”
We’ve all done something. We are all parts of systems that perpetuate injustice constantly. Constantly, we fail to stop and consider our responsibility. So, what have you done?
Prayer.
I’ve done nothing.
- Garcia White
“I regret, I apologize, and I pray that you can find peace, comfort and closure in your heart for the wrong I have done and the pain I have caused you…”
Peace is hard to grasp. Peace for one is not peace for another. Peace is a chameleon that changes with time. Perhaps, peace is best understood as a journey not a destination.
Prayer.
Lead me in paths of peace.
- Derrick Dearman
“To the victims’ family, forgive me…This is not for me, this is for you … I have taken so much … To my family, you all already know I love you.”
We do not get to dictate the terms of redemption if we are the ones who have caused the pain.
Prayer.
Don’t tell me what to do.
- Richard Moore
‘To the family of Mr. James Mahoney, I am deeply sorry for the pain and sorrow I caused you all. To my children and granddaughters, I love you and am so proud of you. Thank you for the joy you have brought to my life. To all of my family and friends, new and old, thank you for your love and support.”
It is painful to pursue redemption. One must relive all the pain that they’ve caused. But redemption is the only way to experience true freedom. One cannot ignore their way to freedom.
Prayer.
Redeem everything.
- Carey Grayson
“…for you, you need to fuck off.”
Betrayals of dignity produce results that are undignified. Don’t be surprised when people explode when their backs are against the wall. Maybe we should consider why such reactions don’t happen more often?
Prayer.
Help me to speak boldly.
- Christopher Collings
“Right or wrong I accept this situation for what it is…To anyone that I have hurt in this life I am sorry. I hope that you’re able to get closure and move on…I hope to see you in heaven one day”
Could there be a place where all things will be made right? What does it take to get there? Are you heading in that direction?
Prayer.
I need some directions.
- Joseph Corcoran
“Let’s get this over with.”
Life only has meaning when we want it to. If we live just to get it over with, we are already dead. What does it mean to be alive while living?
Prayer.
Let’s get this over with.
- Kevin Underwood
“The decision to execute me on my birthday and six days before Christmas was a needlessly cruel thing to do to my family…I would like to apologize again for all the terrible things that I did…I hate that I did those things, and I wish I could take them back.”
Unspeakable acts that are needlessly cruel find us. There is no escaping the pain of existence. Maybe birth is the most needlessly cruel act of all?
Prayer.
Don’t be cruel.
- Marion Bowman
“Over the years I’ve learned that we are labeled as the worst of the worst. None of these guys that I have gotten to know and grown to love are the people that they were when they had their moment that cost them everything. If the world could see us in our day to day, they would have a different view of the death penalty. We all pray for grace and forgiveness, but the outside world is stuck with images of monsters perpetrated by the state, while our real voices are silenced. We are not what the state labels us to be. We are kind, caring, loving people, and it’s a shame the world can’t see that.”
How are we different from anyone on death row?
Prayer.
Show me myself on death row.
- Steven Lawayne Nelson
“I will always love you no matter, our love is uncontrollable…there is no definition and no failing. I’m thankful and grateful. It is what it is. Always live for me and enjoy life. Give Monkey a hug for me. Know I am not scared, it’s cold as shit in here. But I’m at peace, I’m ready to be at home. Let’s ride Warden.”
We all yearn for love that knows no limits. Where does such yearning come from?
Prayer.
Help me to yearn for limitless love.
- Demetrius Frazier
“I want to apologize to the family and friends of Pauline Brown. What happened to her should have never happened. Governor Gretchen Whitmer, if you cannot stand up for the constitution of Michigan, how are you going to stand up for the US Constitution when you run for president? Detroit strong. I love everyone on death row. Let’s go.”
There are things that should never happen. We live in a world where evils beyond our imaginations often arise. Explanations are always deficient. There are things that should never happen. Who will we be when we meet the unspeakable?
Prayer.
Love is uncontainable.
- James Ford
Silence.
Listen. Maybe you might hear something?
Prayer.
Hear my silence.
- Richard Tabler
“There is not a day that goes by that I don’t regret my actions, I had no right to take your loved ones from you, and I ask and pray; hope and pray that one day you find it in your hearts to forgive me for those actions. No amount of my apologies will ever return them to you. And if you feel that this is what you need to get you closure, I pray it helps you have that closure. I just hope that one day you find that forgiveness to forgive me for taking your loved ones from you. I am deeply sorry.”
Rarely, do we consider what might be worth dying for. Is there any gain to be found in death?
Prayer.
Sting my conscience.
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