The “-isms” of Experience: Here’s What Happened When I Called The Cops On The Bagel Guy

He asked me — lightly, carefully — did I mind much if he asked me? Which of the guys at the bagel shop was it? 

I’d given him the story, but I’d never named names. I’d kept it short. I said I would go to this bagel shop every day, this one day this guy followed me out and did this thing, then a few days later he showed up at my house.

Which of the guys? 

“It was Dan,” I said firmly, looking him in his pale baby blues. “The owner.”

His eyebrows lifted just slightly. When I think now about what he said next, I wonder if he meant to say out loud. Really? I thought for sure you were going to say it was one of the Spanish guys in the back.

I was sure it was one of the Spanish guys. 

The Spanish guys. Yes. Them. They were kind. A little goofy. Could I tell one of them had a crush on me? Yes. I could. But he was always sweet. Kind. Friendly. Also, he never whipped anything around in his pants in front of me and then told me it was my fault, which is always a plus in my book.

I stared at the cop. This was long before I was well versed in the inherent evil of systemic, institutionalized racism so I didn’t have words to describe what he had just done. But I recognized it for what it was. I kept staring at the cop. He started talking about yellow cards.

You could file charges, if you really want to. But then you’ll have to go to court, testify, his wife will find out. If you just file a yellow card, it will create a record of stalking, so if he does anything again, we’ll have an established pattern. We’ll just go and have a nice quiet talk with him, tell him to leave you alone, and that’ll be it. 

I could tell he wanted me to file a yellow card. That’s when it hit me — that’s when I remembered all the cops that hung out at the shop.

That’s when I got my first taste of how racism operates in the world. In the assumption of guilt for people of color, and innocence until shown otherwise for people who are white.

Next, find out how this officer practiced institutionalized sexism, and how I fought against it.