The problem with using war as a metaphor is that eventually the metaphor breaks down.
Comparing what’s going on in this world and in the Otherworld to Europe in 1914 helps us understand the conflicting interests, the shifting alliances, and the many years of oppression and resulting resentment we see in both worlds. But at some point the absence of tanks and planes and marching troops leaves people scratching their heads and asking “so what do we do now?”
I’m sure you’ve all heard the phrase “living well is the best revenge.” I heard it when I was very young and it helped me – a lot. It was comforting to know that while I couldn’t extract actual revenge on the people who hurt me, one day I’d be living a nice life and they would still be the small-minded, miserable, insignificant people they were. More importantly, it helped me focus my efforts on things that would make my life better instead of obsessing over how to hurt them.
It worked.
And by making my life better, this approach put me in a position where I was better able to make a positive impact on the world at large. The phrase “be the change you wish to see in the world” is overused and occasionally misused, but its core message is true.
If you still want actual revenge, know that there’s nothing that will piss off fundamentalists, misogynists, homophobes, transphobes, and other bigots more than people who refuse to conform to their narrow worldview who live happy and fulfilled lives. At least, nothing that doesn’t carry the possibility of jail time.
Or, as another old saying goes, if you aren’t someone the Church would have burned at the stake 500 years ago, are you really living?
Perpetual outrage isn’t healthy
This is not permission to abandon the very real fight for justice and equality, particularly for those of us with relatively greater security. At the least, all of us have an obligation to be engaged citizens: to vote, to support good candidates, and to let our elected representatives know we expect them to support freedom and justice for all – even if we know they’re going to ignore us.
It is permission to stop obsessing over politics. Spending a few minutes each day to stay informed on current issues is one thing. Wallowing in outrage is another. You’re hurting yourself and you’re not helping anyone. If you want to raise awareness do it by living your life the way you want to see society organized.
(Am I preaching to myself here? Maybe… Probably…)
Some are called to greater participation and action: called by their Gods, by their circumstances, or by their own preferences. They’re doing holy work. But that’s not everybody, and if it’s not you, do your best to support them and then get back to living well.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.
“Living well” means do as you will, not do as you whim.
For those of us not born into money, living well takes work. It takes figuring out what we want, making a plan to get there, and then working that plan until it pays off – and doing it while we’re trying to navigate a system set up to funnel wealth from ordinary people to those who are already wealthy. But if you don’t start, you’ll never get there.
If you need financial advice, see Jason Miller’s four stages of financial development, which begins with understanding where you are. What you need to do if you’re broke is very different from what you need to do if you’re solid. One size does not fit all. Read the magical portion of Jason’s post too. As I re-read it now, I think it’s very relevant to what I’m talking about here.
The main thing is that your planning and efforts should support living like you want to live, not like the evil sorcerers of Madison Avenue tell you should live. Go after what you want, not what you’ve been told you’re supposed to want.
Be who you are
Every culture has norms and expectations. That’s nothing unusual, and certainly nothing bad. Every society needs some structure. But there are always people who don’t fit into the norms and expectations that work for most. A healthy and ethical culture makes room for these people – in part because that’s the right thing to do, but also because sometimes individual non-conformity is the beginning of cultural evolution.
The problem is that there are always some people who don’t like change. Instead of politely tolerating it because it doesn’t directly impact them (and realizing that if it’s truly harmful, it will die out on its own) they attempt to repress it – sometimes violently.
The more people who refuse to conform to norms in one way or another, the more nonconformance becomes common, and the harder it gets for those who fear change to repress people who refuse to conform in other ways.
Besides, there is nothing more satisfying than fully being who and what you are.
Become who you’re called to be
A few of us grow up aware of exactly who and what we are. For most of us, though, there’s a long process of exploration and experimentation. Many of my LGBTQ friends tell me they always knew, but most of them had to go through a process of accepting it… in large part because of the kind of expectations and repression discussed in the last section.
Some of us have to unlearn harmful beliefs before we can start moving forward.
What is it that you’re called to be? What is it that your soul yearns to be?
Is there part of your core identity you need to accept and express? Is there a vocation you need to pursue? An art or skill you want to develop? Or simply something you want to do?
Do it.
Start now.
Play the game without selling your soul
Living well – at least as most of us envision it – requires money. It doesn’t require huge amounts of money (and if it does, take another look at what “do what thou wilt” really means for you) but it does require some. Assuming your name isn’t “Gates” or “Bezos” or such, that means you’re going to have to play the employment game.
The best way for you to “make a living” (that such a thing is necessary is an indictment of our wider society, but it is what it is) is beyond the scope of this post. There are many ways, some of which don’t involve actual employment. Find what works best for you.
What’s important here is that playing this game need not – and should not – be an exercise in soul-sucking drudgery. And also, it need not and should not become your life’s obsession (if it does, so be it, but you’re reading the wrong blog).
Never forget that how you make a living and how you make a life are two different things.
Some really do need a battle plan
Approximately 11% of all Americans fought in World War II. By contrast, today 0.4% of Americans are currently serving in the military. Historically speaking, 11% is the upper limit of how much of a nation’s population can be conscripted into fighting forces and still leave enough to produce food, weapons, and everything else the military – and the rest of the country – needs.
That there is a war going on in this world and in the Otherworld does not mean we’re all about to be sent to the front lines. Most of us aren’t soldiers, in any sense of the word. We’re part of the 89% (or the 99.6%) on the “home front” trying to keep things going.
My Brigidine friends are preparing to be hospitallers and care for the wounded. They’re already doing some of that work now.
Who’s going to be the metaphysical version of Rosie the Riveter?
And some of us are called to fight: politically, magically, or otherwise.
And now we’re back into the war metaphors.
Live well
But for most of us, the question of “what can I do” is best answered with “live well.” Be who you are. Be who you’re called to be.
To the extent it’s safe for you to do so, let your very existence be a source of annoyance to those who would oppress you and others. Where it’s not safe to be “out” (whatever that means to you) take satisfaction in knowing that you’re here and you’re living a good life.
Even if we have many lives – as I believe we do – this life is a treasure. Spend as little of it worrying about small-minded people as you can.
Live fully.
Live your way.
Live well.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In