Dear John,
I came across your website a while ago and have been impressed and sometimes moved by the wisdom you show in your responses to people. I wonder if you might offer your opinion to a question I have that has been pressing on my mind.
I was raised in a non-religious family and until recently was quite happy being agnostic. I was interested in religion from a philosophical point of view only. But 18 months ago I began a relationship with a Christian, and I started going to church with him and reading the Bible, because I wanted to support his faith and make our relationship work. Over the past few months, I have realised that it has turned into more than just supporting him, and I want to become a Christian too.
My problem is, I don’t quite understand what being a Christian REALLY means. I know the essential ‘requirements’ are a belief in God and a belief that Jesus died for our sins so that we can be saved through our faith. But what does belief really mean? Is it enough for me to speak the words ‘I believe …’? (Surely not?) Or if I make a conscious decision to live my life in a way that tries to be true to God’s word, is that enough? That makes more logical sense to me, but not when I consider the Bible passages that you can only be saved by faith and not by your works. I understand that faith is just that—faith. I’m not looking for hard evidence or certainty. But I am looking for ‘something more.’ I’m just not quite sure what that something more is, or how I can reachit.
I have been praying to God and I will continue to do so. But I suppose at this stage I don’t feel like a Christian. I don’t feel like I have a ‘real’ belief; something that resonates with me. I don’t feel quite comfortable enough (or have enough confidence in my verbal coherence) to go up and ask one of the ministers at church, and my boyfriend has been unsure of what to say, I think because he doesn’t want to unduly influence or pressure me.
So if you have any advice for me I would very much welcome it. Thank you.
All right. Sweet letter. Lemme do that bracketed-in-blue thing where I just … jam my comments in as I’m reading.
Dear John, [oh, no! she’s breaking up with me!! wait. never mind.]
I came across your website a while ago and have been impressed and sometimes moved by the wisdom you show in your responses to people. I wonder if you might offer your opinion to a question I have that has been pressing on my mind. [sure! i’m just sitting here enjoying some toast and a glass of peach kefir.]
I was raised in a non-religious family and until recently was quite happy being agnostic. I was interested in religion from a philosophical point of view only. But 18 months ago I began a relationship with a Christian, and I started going to church with him and reading the Bible, because I wanted to support his faith and make our relationship work. [Wow! Awesome girlfriend! Good job! You must really like this guy. I once liked a girl so much I went with her to a Sunday morning service at her Southern Baptist church. After the service I still liked her very much, but I have to admit that I was also pretty sure that she was perhaps significantly stupider than I had previously thought.] Over the past few months, I have realized that it has turned into more than just supporting him and I want to become a Christian too. [Wow again! Sounds great!]
My problem is, I don’t quite understand what being a Christian REALLY means. [Neither does anyone else. I don’t think I know two Christians who agree on what Christianity “really” is. The Bible is so huge and dense, is why.] I know the essential ‘requirements’ are a belief in God and a belief that Jesus died for our sins so that we can be saved through our faith. [Actually, only the first half of that is right. There are tons of so-called progressive Christians who do not believe that Christ died for anyone’s sins. They often hold that Jesus was more like … a super-inspired social worker who got executed by the state for being a startlingly effective insurrectionist. There’s a whole world of Christians out there who believe that. And that’s a long way from “Christ was God incarnate who came to die for our sins.” These days that view is considered almost quaint. I still believe it, though: see my Unfundamentalist Christians.]
But what does belief really mean? [As I say, it means different things to different people. Of course the important question here is what belief in God-as-Jesus might or might not mean to you.] Is it enough for me to speak the words ‘I believe …’? (Surely not?) [Enough for what? To feel mega-inspired and filled with God-as-The Holy Spirit? Saying those words alone certainly won’t engender such a feeling. So … right: surely not.] Or if I make a conscious decision to live my life in a way that tries to be true to God’s word, is that enough? [Well, that would depend on what you mean by “God’s word.” If you believe following God’s word means, say, bashing homosexuals or oppressing women, then for you trying to obey God’ word would be a horrible idea. Bottom line: one hardly needs to be Christian in order to strive one’s hardest to be a good and altruistic person. Goodness is a universal value, not a Christian one. So … no.]
That makes more logical sense to me, but not when I consider the Bible passages that you can only be saved by faith and not by your works. I understand that faith is just that—faith. I’m not looking for hard evidence or certainty. But I am looking for ‘something more.’ I’m just not quite sure what that something more is, or how I can reach it. [Everyone, no matter what they believe, is forever yearning and reaching for that ever-illusive something more. Being a Christian won’t change that attending truth of being human. Nothing can change that. We’re all hardwired to desire more than we have. But more specific to what you’re asking relative to Christianity: you’re thinking way too far ahead, about stuff that right now you don’t have any real reason to care about anyway. If God really did incarnate himself as a human chap and live out the stories related to us by the Gospels, and you’re already reading the Bible and going to church, then one thing is for dead certain: sooner or later you will know exactly how you feel about Christianity. Christianity will either prove itself true to you, or it will prove itself to something less than divinely inspired. If it does prove itself to you—if at some point, be it sudden or gradual, you are moved by the Holy Spirit to understand the story of Jesus Christ as being true and of genuine and lasting value to you—something that’s actually worthy of your mind, heart, and devotion—then somewhere along that line you’ll find that you have no choice but to call yourself a Christian. If that doesn’t happen, then eventually you’ll move on. Either way is fine—and none of that journey is over until your dead (if then). Just give it all some time. If Christianity is real and true, you’ll know it. No need to rush to a place that’s moving toward you anyway.]
I have been praying to God and I will continue to do so. [If I may suggest it, don’t pray. Instead, meditate. In other words, don’t ask, but rather simply listen. Sit down, close your eyes, quiet your mind and heart, breathe deeply and evenly, and … there you’ll be. Just stay in that place a bit. If you want God to talk to you, try not talking to him. I’m not being smug about that, but you know what I mean? Allow him to make his way to you.] But I suppose at this stage I don’t feel like a Christian. [Why would you? You’re not. And that’s fine. For all you know, that means you’re still sane.] I don’t feel like I have a ‘real’ belief; something that resonates with me. [Again: you don’t. And God bless your boyfriend for not pressing you to feel anything that you don’t. Pat him on the back for that. Twice.]
I don’t feel quite comfortable enough (or have enough confidence in my verbal coherence) to go up and ask one of the ministers at church [then don’t. if you want to later, you can. this is between you and God anyway; it’s no one else’s business], and my boyfriend has been unsure of what to say, I think because he doesn’t want to unduly influence or pressure me. [Yay boyfriend! Tell your boyfriend I said, “Dude: Way to be an actual Christian.”]
So if you have any advice for me I would very much welcome it. Thank you. [You’re welcome!]
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In