Having a gay son got them booted from their church. But look at them now!

Having a gay son got them booted from their church. But look at them now! February 28, 2014

Excited woman with arms up winning online - isolated over white
Letter of the day below. She thanks me, but I know how much of her thanks belongs to the commenters who regularly make this blog such a thoughtful, caring place to be.

Dear John,

A while back you and I exchanged emails about my experience of my son coming out at 16 and being expelled from his Christian school, me leaving my teaching position at the same school, and my family being “ex-communicated” from the church.

One and a half years ago I was living in fear and devastated at all that I had lost. I was trying to reconcile what I had learned in the fundamentalist church* about homosexuality, and what my son was struggling with. You posted my letter [He hated himself because he couldn’t change himself] because it showed the horrible “process” he went through that seems most gay kids go through. He was cutting, depressed, suicidal … you get the picture. I just wanted to update you on our progress.

First of all, I want to thank you so much for your website. Yours was the first I found that helped me understand that there were intelligent arguments against what the church had been telling us about homosexuality. One quote I read on your site was, “Be careful what you say about a gay person because it could be about somebody you love.” [Tweet that.] That hit me so hard. It made me re-examine how I looked at homosexuality. It most definitely is not a choice!

Because of your web site, I met Linda Robertson, and because of Linda Robertson, I’ve met over 100 moms of gay kids, most of who grew up in fundamentalist churches. What a beautiful support we have all been to each other while we navigate learning to truly love our kids and one another as God loves us.

This experience has made me a stronger woman and mom. My son got his GED and is now in college. He is living in a city where being gay is no big deal. I’m still contending with running into church and school members in the grocery store and post office, but I don’t quiver in fear any longer. I realize that they are wrong, and that how they are treating people is wrong. I’ve learned that the most important thing we can do as Christians is to love and not pass judgment. I look at these people and feel sorry for how closed-minded they are.

Ninety-eight percent of the kids from my son’s old high school go to Bob Jones University, so, unfortunately, the cycle of hate continues.

I pray that God finds a way to use me in this fight. I have become a warrior through these trials and you have armed me with great Biblical information.

John, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you are doing to promote Christian love and acceptance. I wouldn’t be in the safe place I am today without your informed information and clear and concise arguments. Thank you, thank you, thank you, and don’t stop!

Gratefully yours,


*see The fundamentally toxic Christianity

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