A Prayer for World Mental Health Day

Oh God,

You know me.

You formed me.

I am your creation.

Made in your image.

And sometimes I just can’t deal.

You know this.

There are days when I don’t like anything or anyone.

Times when I just want to crawl back in bed.

Or under a table.

Under a table is nice.

A place where I feel covered somehow.

Sheltered from anything coming my way.

Anxiety can seem to get the best of me.

When it does?

I spiral downward.

Spinning into the darkness of my mind.

Asking all the wrong questions…

What if?

What’s wrong with me?

What should I do about it?

The thoughts overwhelm.

They quickly turn to guilt and shame.

One after the other.

I’m a loser.

What must others think?

Why can’t I get it together?

Why does everyone else have it so together?

And then they can get darker.

Everyone is staring.

Everyone knows.

I am such a bother.

I am so annoying.

Rid me of this Jesus.

Take this brain away from me.

I want a new one.

One that isn’t broken.

One that isn’t overwhelmed.

One that would make you and everyone else proud of me.

Ok.

I will stop talking and listen…

Oh, you say you love me?

You say you will never leave me?

You say you are right here?

I am loved?

Held?

A Saint?

I have everything I need for life and godliness?

You are telling me that in my weakness, I am strong.

I was made for such a time as this.

I can bring joy and hope and healing to others.

I will be ok.

Wait… did I just hear you say you are proud of me?

You sing over me?

Even when I’m under the table?

All of this, in spite of my anxiety and depression.

I can trust you.

I can trust your love for me.

I can trust what you have in store for my life.

No need to know what’s coming down the track.

No need to worry about tomorrow.

I can actually cast my cares on you?

Because you care for me.

You will give me rest.

In you, Jesus, I find my rest.

Not in what others say or think or do.

Not in what the pastor says about my anxiety.

Nope.

Just in you.

Whatever that means, I believe it.

Even when it’s dark and I can’t see.

I still believe you are here.

Even when I don’t believe, you help my unbelief.

You are good.

My eyes are on you Jesus.

You and you alone.

Hold me while I sleep.