I watched Matt Chandler say what he said.
I watched it more than a few times today.
Trying to wrap my mind around it.
Trying to put words on how I feel in this moment.
So, I write….
I’m just trying to be cool?
All this deconstruction?
Doesn’t it make me so popular?
What are you trying to do right now?
Are you grasping at straws?
Wanting to take us all down with you and your friends.
I’m not going down.
Wanna know why?
Because, I’ve been down.
My deconstruction journey started over ten years ago.
I was deep into your teachings.
You, Mark, Johnny Mac and Johnny P.
Oh, and so many more.
Anyone I could listen to that would teach me about reformed theology.
A warm blanket.
I think it was you that called it that?
But to me, it just wasn’t.
It couldn’t be.
I couldn’t wrap myself up in the blanket of a God who would “Choose” to send people to an eternal torment.
And even more than that?
The men that were teaching this stuff?
I was realizing more and more everyday, they were a bunch of dang bullies.
The bullies on the block.
The ones who held the keys to the kingdom.
Who declared who was in and who was out.
Who I could listen to and who was off limits.
My head was spinning.
Nothing was making sense.
I begged God.
On my knees.
Humble and honest with Him.
He never failed me.
Jesus became bigger and better.
It was you, Matt.
You and your friends who became smaller.
I’ve watched your evangelical reformed world crumble through these years.
You have to see it.
God has become so much more to me than a professor in the sky.
I got real tired of sitting at the table in the cafeteria with the popular people.
Because the popular ones were mean.
I decided I would walk away.
Not from Jesus, Matt.
From you and your buddies.
Those of you who have fame and money.
A platform that you don’t want to lose.
I have nothing to lose, Matt.
You have so much.
I did walk away from a system.
I tried to walk away quietly.
Wasn’t looking to take anyone else with me.
Didn’t need anyone to “deconstruct” along with me.
Just me, being honest.
And it hurt.
I lost friends.
In order for me to be honest?
I lost friends.
Nothing sexy about it.
No fad here.
If anything, your young, restless and reformed circles?
God will not be mocked, Matt.
I’ve heard you say it.
I remember back before you were famous.
You warned us all about making idols out of pastors.
You warned other pastors about the temptations of celebrity.
I’m afraid you’ve crossed the line.
You have such a sweet family.
God has blessed you with so much.
And you throw us under the bus.
You throw me under the bus.
You tell my family that I am just trying to be sexy.
I will not sleep tonight.
Not because I feel guilty for deconstructing your system.
I will not sleep because i am sad it has come to this.
Read the room, Matt.
Read the room.