Striving
This is how I used to spend my mornings with God
My “quiet times”
Needing him to hear me
To see me
To believe me when I told him I needed him
Crying out
Please God, listen to me
I will give you my list of all the things
I will tell you how wretched I am
And for sure ask you to forgive me for it
I will read a whole chapter of your book
Or two or three
Memorize a verse
Or two or three
I will show you how desperate I am for you
And you will be pleased with me
Striving
Pursuing
Groveling
Making my lists of all I should be doing
For you
I’m doing it for you, God
Are you proud of me?
Am I your favorite?
What can I do today to help that out?
To gain your favor?
How long do I need to stay here and tell you how important you are to me?
To get you to heal me?
Take away my anxiety
Take away my depression
My selfishness
My greed
I will stay here until you do it, God
Do you see me?
I’m trying
Do I get credit for trying?
Oh man
The striving
All the striving
I get it now
Maybe it’s because of all the striving?
Maybe the answer came because I strove?
Wait
Is that a word?
It didn’t autocorrect
Maybe strove is a word?
You know what I mean
The answer was/is to stop it
Stop the striving
Rest
My time with God is a time to rest
To see God is to rest
No really
Think about this
The story of creation
Man was created on day six
What happened on day seven?
Oh yeah, a day of rest
God had done it all
Everything was good
Rest now little humans
But, wait God, I’m not tired
I haven’t done anything yet
I’m ready to work
Nope
Rest
I’ve got the whole thing under control
Oh, and then I learned this one…
The Jewish day begins at sundown
A new day
Now, go to sleep
Sleep first
Rest now
All the work comes after the rest
It’s almost like God wants us to know something
Like, maybe, just maybe, we can take a breath
Spend more time resting
Trusting
Breathing
Nothing to prove
It’s all been proven
I have lots to do today
Many flowers to be planted
A lawn to mow
A dog to walk
A poem to write
But first?
Rest
Breathe
Linger
Enjoy
Know
The one who created the flowers, lawn, puppies and words?
Has got this
Deep breath
God has got this.
Karen R Shock resides in Fort Wayne, IN with her husband and their youngest son. She had three more children who are married and four beautiful grandchildren. Oh, and a dog name JT Barrett (Go Bucks). She is a retired homeschool mom and is now a high school teacher and cheer coach. Life is hard, but fun.
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