A letter to South Carolinians

A letter to South Carolinians January 18, 2012

My dear South Carolinian friends:

Tell me. Is Newt Gingrich is holed up in some five-star hotel somewhere with a bottle of brandy, wishing like heck somebody would put a muzzle on That-Woman-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless?

I imagine getting an endorsement from her is like having Charlie Sheen as a character witness for Tiger Woods in a divorce trial.

You could make the argument that That-Woman-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless has slept with one too many commercial ventures. Her brand ain’t what it once was. That’s not entirely her fault. We suffer from shiny-thing syndrome in this country. The 15-minutes of fame has been pared down to 5-minutes, but she may not have helped herself with that great Alaska adventure show.

Oh. Well. She’s not the only Evangelical running scared that a Mormon might be the GOP’s front-runner. The much-respected George Barna came out last week and said after much prayer and research he’s supporting Newt as the GOP’s candidate. Barna credited Newt’s plan for protecting religious freedoms as one of the deciding issues for him. I’m all for protecting religious freedoms as long as that means all religions and not just the one I practice.

But not every Evangelical is jumping aboard the Newt bandwagon. Staying true to his maverick spirit of the Wild West, James Dobson has reportedly stopped short of calling Calista Gingrich a floozy. I know, right? The HuffPo is reporting that Dobson referred to Newt Gingrich’s wife as a mistress.

Ah, I know none of this is going to come as a surprise to those of you employed in churches. Nobody gets down and scrappy like the Saints. If you ever get a hankering for politics outside an election year all you have to do is serve on some church committee. That’ll cure what ails you.

While Mitt Romney, on the heels of his not-much-in-speaker fees comment ($375,000 last year), tries to get in-touch with his blue-collar side, Gingrich is sharpening his wit for the next debate. Politico gives a nice recap of Gingrich’s best zingers from the last one.

Ah, my dear South Carolinian friends, I’d stick around to discuss this further, but I need to make a run to the store. Every good bar brawl demands  a little bit of tequila and I’m fresh out.

But while I’m away, why don’t you sit back and enjoy the GOP version of how to get down with Tequila?

It rests on your shoulders now, dear ones.

Choose wisely.

Your devoted friend,



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  • Dee

    “If you ever get a hankering for politics outside an election year all you have to do is serve on some church committee.”…….oh yes…so true….matter of fact have the monthly board of administration meeting tomorrow….hee hee ….love your posts!

    • Amy Sorrells

      Lol–loved that piece of truth myself! 🙂 I swore off church committees about 8 years ago when one couldn’t decide if it would hurt too many feelings to fire the pastor-who-was-a-registered-sex-offender who was preying on female staff & parishioners. Who says the truth ain’t better than fiction?

  • I’m just brokenhearted that Huntsman dropped out. Romney-esque with twice the brains and experience, but half the Thurston Howell the Third attitude.

    I know a lot of dems were going to vote for Huntsman because they think he’s the best of the pack, plus it would cause serious talking head explosions if he made a strong showing in SC.

    I’m still going to vote in the primary, for Huntsman if his name is still on the ballot. Buddy Roemer if not.

    But then I’m in Charleston. We don’t really consider ourselves a “part” of SC, we are just forced by geography to sit next to them in class.

    I clicked on a news page and actually burst out laughing at what’s her name’s face plastered on the cover. It’s like that palmetto bug you thought you swatted hard enough, but it’s still crawling for the fridge.

  • Paul Tolly

    Nothing like a little Tequila in the winter, to feel a little “worm” inside.

  • L. Champion

    Gingrich is not too popular in my part of GA. I may be wrong, but so far I haven’t found any favorable comments about him, but then I live in a very small town.

    Karen can you do me a favor? There is a woman, age 77, here in the personal care home. She had 7 children but doesn’t know where any of them are. She is a ward of the state of GA. I would like to locate some of her children for her before she passes away. Very sad story. Her name is Eleanor Glidden Barnhill. Her husband died in LA and she later married a Mr. Isham and lived in Columbus,GA, for a while. I believe all of her children went back to LA. I have found the name of one of her sons and his wife in LaFayette, LA but they don’t seem to have have a telephone. (May be using a cell phone) The wife’s name is Ramona Barnhill, age 52, an artist. (husband may be Dalton Roy Barnhill, age 52) I am afraid if I try to contact her from here she won’t talk to me since she may not want to have any thing to do with her mother-in-law. There must have been an incident that happened to turn them against their mother but the mother either won’t tell us or she doesn’t remember. (just guessing…could her second husband have abused her daughters?)
    As an investigative reporter, how would you handle this? From a Christian stand point I can’t just stand by and not do anything to help bring the family back together before she dies. Who would bury her…where? That would be so sad.
    What suggestions can you give me?
    (This would really make an interesting story.) Please delete all of this after you read
    and copy it.

  • Anonymous

    Great article, but I don’t know what made me laugh more – the text or the ad for Liberty University that ran alongside it.