We can get so easily sucked dry by energy vampires or give up too much of our personal power when our boundaries aren’t firm. These energetic barriers between us and everyone else are our own personal magic circle. Understanding them and the consequences for when they are violated are important skills to develop as a witch. Since you are engaged in energy work, may be an empath or a psychic, and probably are a healer of some sort, it’s important to have firm barriers so that you don’t get sucked into another’s harmful energy. Think of your boundaries as the forces you call to protect yourself just like when we call the elements to help us casting the circle.
The #1 thing to know about boundaries is that they are about giving your power away too freely. If you want to have better boundaries, Step #1 is to call all your power back to you. From there, you can explore your own personal policies. This is so easily said, but ridiculously difficult to do if you are an empath or have never had the opportunity to develop healthy boundaries. Envision your power as an extension of you that you can call back to yourself just like when you summon energies in witchery.
I put the tables at the end of the Toxic Witches article just to offer everyone a way to help understand what it often going on when others act horribly. They also are important for understanding our own bad habits that I wrote about in Witches Behaving Badly. They can also help you when witches are engaged in battle, like I wrote about in Witch Wars: A Survival Guide. After you study the tables, I encourage you to contemplate your own in the exercise below.
Asking a person before touching them
Moving slowly towards intimacy
Not seeking validation from another
Being focused on your own development
Trusting your decisions
Valuing differing opinions
Not tolerating unacceptable actions or words
Being compassionate to yourself
Being compassionate to others
Being wary of others who come on too strong, too fast (i.e., love bombing)
Defining your own truth (magical life)
Appreciating others’ truth
Saying “yes” to things that genuinely appeal to you
Saying “no” to unwanted attention of all kinds
Clearly communicating your needs and wants
Understanding that others may have difficulty communicating
Noticing and acting when someone crosses your boundaries
Observing others’ boundaries and noting inappropriate behavior and actions.
Trusting or distrusting without reason
Touching people without asking
Jumping quickly into a relationship or situation without mindful contemplation
Defining yourself by how you want others to see and treat you
Being overly involved in others’ lives
Not listening to your own inner voice
Creating drama for attention
Having a rigid mindset
Tolerating others behavior that you find unacceptable to avoid rejection
Losing yourself in a relationship
Judging people harshly without cause
Revealing everything about yourself to people who you don’t know well
Getting caught up by someone’s charm
Letting other people define your life
Ignoring others’ opinions
Saying “yes” to things that violate your boundaries
Being involved in hurtful talk or actions involving others
Expecting people to read your mind
Not seeing the world from others’ perspectives
Being unaware of your own boundaries and their consequences
Abuse and addiction of all kinds
Knowing Your LimitsExplore the times when someone has crossed the line with you. What was it that caused them to violate your limits? Make a list of absolute lines that others can’t cross without consequences. Take these boundary definitions and turn them into affirmations. For example, if hate speech is a boundary for you can write a statement like “I will protect those who are marginalized.” This moves the energy of the boundary from being dependent on the actions of others to your own sovereign principles. It’s a form of reversal magic.
The merkabah is a great symbol for understanding boundaries. See yourself as the center. The star contains your closest relationships and other forces you work with, the outer lines and circles are more tertiary ones, like acquaintances and your communities. The two open ones I left at the top and bottom represent the connection to people, community and energetic forces. Think of them as gates you can close any time you wish. Who is in the inner star? Do they belong there? Is your connection to them serving you or draining your power? Perhaps you need to strengthen the divisions between you and them.
Protecting Your Personal Circle
When Aidan was in preschool, he had major issues with respecting other children’s boundaries and he was very sensitive to others’ emotions. We set to work on his magic personal circle by training him to envision a protective white shield that grew from within him. This helped him to understand others’ boundaries and to reinforce his own. He also slept with ancient Egyptian deities, but maybe you don’t need to do that to reinforce your boundaries and not absorb others’ energies. The statues and images made him feel safe is my point. Whatever deities represent this to you can be included in your personal circle. As for my dearest youngest child, he is definitely a reincarnated pharaoh.
Protection magic is also a great way to augment your boundaries. I am an obsessive planner, which comes in handy when I know that I’ll be spending time with people who are energy vampires. I shield, set intentions and make a list of all the things I will not say or do when I am with them. The list gets anointed with my sovereignty oil and my personal sigil goes on it.
There are loads of stones to carry with you to help reinforce your personal circle. Obsidian and other pure black stones are great for absorbing harmful energies. I like amethyst for self love and acceptance, which is necessary for strong boundaries. I have a yellow citrine amulet that I carry at all times to facilitate healthy relationships. In the past, my weak personal policies have resulted in troubles with others, especially romantic entanglements, so citrine is great to augment my work in this area. Sage is always great for augmenting any boundaries work, from aiding your self study to creating a protected space.
Don’t Be Rigid
Firm doesn’t mean rigid, that’s why I left two of the circles open on the symbol. It’s easy for me to completely isolate myself from others (except for my offspring, I can’t escape them). When I do this, I don’t have to worry about violating my boundaries. However, it’s quite ridiculous. I deprive myself of the richness of social relationships. Maybe you can relate to this. For me, understanding my own boundaries and that of others is a fascinating ongoing process. There is no perfect set of personal policies, they change over time and vary among individuals. Just like the diverse ways that we can cast a magic circle.
There are many ways to explore your personal boundaries and to augment them with witchery. These are just a few examples.