This ain’t politics and I’m not an f’n lifestyle

This ain’t politics and I’m not an f’n lifestyle March 28, 2013

I simply can not pretend to understand as Christian any conversation that includes questions as to whether or not I am an acceptable “way” of being human. I am not a “way” of being human, I am a child of God.

For folks who holler about Christians not playing politics, you fundamentally miss the mark. I AM A CHRISTIAN. I am a lesbian. I am not talking about politics, I am talking about my very humanity in Christ.

If you are still talking about lifestyle choices, I am afraid you are still using language that is laced with ignorant propaganda that is reserved for the privileged oppressor who has the choice to freely love the one they are created to love without question. There simply is NO such thing as a monolithic lifestyle.

I am created, by God, to love a woman and to do anything less would be to reject my humanity in Christ. My response to God’s creation is to honor the way I have been created and love the woman, without reservation and forsaking all others, that God has sent to my life.

I am a lesbian as created by God. If there is any lifestyle of which to speak it is my choice to live a Christian life. I am married to a woman as blessed by a Christian pastor and affirmed by a Christian community with whom I worship and am raising my family. I am not an issue, I am not a lifestyle. I am a child of God who has been freed by Christ to live fully into the life I have been given.

Browse Our Archives

TRENDING AT PATHEOS Progressive Christian
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment

212 responses to “This ain’t politics and I’m not an f’n lifestyle”

  1. Kimberly- Amazing post, as always. I think more people who are against gay marriage need to actually talk to someone like you so that it will challenge their stance. Even if they end up still on the same side, at least they will have had to face someone for whom this is not a “political issue”.

    • Thank you Ando! I hope folks who are against the issue of gay marriage WILL get to know the people rather than cling to prewritten monologues about the issue of gay marriage. I truly believe that relationship is the only way the conversation is moving forward.

  2. Ron, well said. I second your reply to XXX; I’m another conservative Evangelical Christian reading this blog. I also have some clear disagreements with Kimberly, but I appreciate her open table for comments and discussion very much! It’s rather rare.

  3. No matter what our beliefs, we are called to love each other. To care for our brothers and sisters. No matter what my beliefs or lifestyle (not that it matters, but I am a heterosexual Christian) speaking judgment and condemnation does nothing for myself or the other party. Frank, your comments wouldn’t make me want to seek Christ or fellowship with people who call themselves Christians. Ron, I think what you said in response to XXX was thoughtful and well said. I know you hold some beliefs that are different than Kimberly but there are some commonalities too and the ability to engage in respectful dialogue. I appreciate that. I hope we can all be open to truly listen to each other and love as we are called to love.

  4. God does not create anyone gay nor is that His will for anyone. That’s your choice, not Gods.

    • If that myth helps you sleep better at night ok Frank but I assure you I did not choose this orientation and that if we believe ALL things come from God then you are simply wrong.

      • I never said you chose your attraction but you did choose what you did with it. Sin caused your attraction you choose your behavior.

        All GOOD things come from God, not ALL things. There is nothing good inherent in sinful behavior.

  5. The umbrella term “gay lifestyle” is sort of like the “family values” term; it means whatever the speaker WANTS it to mean, and when they use those terms, they are usually projecting their insecurities and fears onto other people.

    When conservative Christians vehemently criticize the “gay lifestyle,” they WANT to believe that gay people do nothing more than wake up, pop some drugs, have a ton of promiscuous sex, and contribute nothing to society except sexually confused children/teens/adults and another string of STDs. They believe this because it makes them feel safe. It validates the innate disgust they have with gay people, and gives them a vehicle with which to argue against treating gay people as, well, people.

    They argue and argue that we need to get back to “biblical teachings” and protect the “biblical definition of marriage,” two other terms that mean what they WANT them to mean. These terms paint a picture of a happily subservient wife, a few children, a husband that is loving and kind and hard-working who makes sure that their house with the white picket fence is always well-kept and the lawn is always mowed. I.E., there is no difference to them between “biblical marriage” and the fantasy dramas painting the 1950s as a genuinely moral and saccharine era in the United States. The nastiness associated with “traditional marriage,” such as marital rape, domestic abuse, spiritually abusive Christian husbands, etc, are never considered, because in their minds, traditional biblical heterosexual Christian marriage is always perfect and we owe the entirety of society’s strength and fortitude to the fact that folks with indoor plumbing marry folks with outdoor plumbing.

    Then, there’s a veritable moebius strip of logic that they put themselves through when it comes to defending their stance. Gays shouldn’t be able to get married because they can’t reproduce, but it’s okay if infertile couples get married because they love each other, and gays don’t REALLY love each other it’s just lust, because heterosexual people always have the purest intentions in marriage/relationships and never have problems with lust, and because of their lust gay people would turn their sexual advances toward any children they try to adopt because they’re all just pedophiles, because we all know that there are never any domestic/sexual abuse problems in heteosexual homes with a mommy and a daddy.

    It’s willing ignorance on the part of many of these folks because they want so desperately to be right.

    “Gay marriage shouldn’t happen because they can’t procreate,” which is answered by “There are heterosexual couples that are infertile; should their marriages be considered void?”

    • Khaliah: May I suggest that you also employ the use of an “umbrella” term. Your description of conservative christians beliefs and “vehemency” does not describe me, my wife, my view of life nor does it describe hundreds of other conservative christians I know. And all of us would love to somehow engage in discussion and conversations with people of christian faith in the gay community. But your characterization of “conservative christians” (with some vehemency as well) kinda puts a stop to the conversation doesn’t it? …because you have put all of us in a category that is so inaccurate and jaded, I don’t even know what to say.

      • I do see the irony, yes, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t try to make this issue about yourself when tons of our brothers and sisters are out there trying to convince society as a whole that gays are subhuman monsters. I’m tired of being quiet and using the excuses of “they’re just human; they’re going to make mistakes” and “that’s not all christians who do that” because it does not solve the problem, nor does the misplaced persecution complex that many American Christians have adopted over the years as their cover for acting like jerkwads.

        But since you want to make this abou YOU andt how offended YOU feel by being stereotyped, imagine how the entire LGBT minority feels when Christian, conservative, and other groups of folks go on tv and go on and on about how all gays are pedophiles, how it’d be great if the government rounded up all the gays and put them inside of electrified fences so that they’d die out and BAM no more gays, how 9/11 happened because of gays and lesbians, how if the government was “righteous” it would utilize Old Testament punishment against gays, how being outed as “gay” could mean beatings/imprisonment/a death sentence in your home country. Do these sound farfetched? Hardly. All of these are statements/beliefs espoused by folks like Jimmy Swaggart, Pat Robertson, Charles Worley, Scott Lively, Lou Engle, Curtis Knapp, and countless others.

        • Khalia,

          I love your passion and your willingness to stand up boldly for yourself but please know that Ron is here as an active listener and that I have experienced his disagreement as respectful and open. I have also experienced a few different types of evangelicals beyond the mouthpieces that do indeed spew ignorant vitriol.

          I try hard to keep the table open to folks who come here and disagree with grace and integrity. I believe, when they are evidently here with open hearts and minds, they are on a trajectory toward love.

          It is hard I know – believe me I know because I am wounded when I trust over and over again but I honestly want to always assume a posture of trust and be gracious enough to not paint in stereotypes any more than I want to be drawn as a one dimensional character.

          • Yes, I was just coming here to apologize for cluttering up your page with my own vitriol.

            Ron, I genuinely apologize for my demeanor. It was quite unbecoming and highly unChristlike of me to behave in such a way, passion be damned.

            Kim, thanks for responding and chastising me in a gracious manner.

            It was an experience back in 6th grade that helped shape my view of the gay community. There was a boy in my class who was ostracized and mistreated because they perceived him to be gay (his voice was high and he liked wearing rainbow shoelaces). When I stepped in and told my peers to back off and leave the poor kid alone, I got ostracized and mistreated too.

            After we graduated from 6th grade, he called my home phone a few years later and thanked me for sticking by him when things got ugly. And things DID get ugly. I was abandoned by my friends, was called a dyke, was called a fag, was told that I was going to get AIDS and die, and kids LAUGHED when they said this stuff to me.

            Needless to say, the pain and anger stuck.

            So imagine my surprise when, over the years, I saw peope in the gay community suffer words, actions, and insults way worse than what happened to me and my friend.

            So whenever I see people, especially Christians, treating gays just like my peers treated that boy, my hackles raise and I bare my teeth. It feels like an entire group of people I’m supposed to be “family” with have the kindness of a bunch of mean-spirited 6th graders with nothing better to do than pick on someone who’s different.

            But after all is said and done, I’m sorry I bore my teeth at you, Ron. I’m even more regretful that it looks like I drew blood.

            • Khaliah,

              Please do not take my reply so much as chastisement as an invitation to engage the conversation a little differently. You are right to hold onto some of the anger that was sparked in seeing a friend abused. Our anger can be a very holy fuel to move us into action and I appreciate the heart you bring to the table. This is a complex conversation when we recognize we re talking with and about people and not just “issues.” And really, this is as much about Ron as it is about me, you, your childhood friend and the bullies who mistreated you both. Without changing the hearts and minds of those who harbor hate we are all still enslaved by this paradigm eh?

              Thank you for being here, thank you for apology and thank you for your witness.

              • Khaliah: Your apology is certainly accepted. I deeply regret hearing about the things that have happened to you. I also am so deeply embarrassed and ashamed of the things that have been said and done in the name of christianity towards all gay people. I am not above any of that myself and while I honestly do not feel vindictive or condemming towards anyone else here, I am attempting to learn how to hold to strong beliefs without being hateful or superior to anyone. I wish there was someway that those of you that are gay could forgive us within evangelical christianity and that we could honor each other as we could and should.

  6. I thought of you briefly when I was out in front of the supreme court building with my spouse and a banner, and ran across a lesbian firefigher in uniform (with the patches temporarily taped over, seemingly from the style of the taping, by more than one set of hands). Her sign read, “I help protect your family. Help protect mine.” I thought of you again when a minister, and then a rabbi, stopped to sign our banner, so I dropped by to say Hi and paused to say amen.

    Aside from a few tense moments that ended in good behavior during the NOM march, it was a glorious couple of mornings to see a very small bit of Washington, D.C.

    • Thank you! Your thoughts are prayers and I deeply appreciate you being there in person to stand on the side of love.

  7. How do you get around,Leviticus 18:22, 1 Corinthians 6:9? Looks pretty clear to me the biblical stance.

    • This is meant to be a reply to XXX (whoever you are): I want to reply to you because I’m pretty sure that Kimberly will probably not. She and other gay people who comment on this site are very tired, I’m sure, of us evangelical christian types clubbing them with the Leviticus passage and a few others. Did you notice XXX, that I said “us”? I am an evangelical christian who is probably more doctrinally conservative that you are. I comment now and then on this site and am received pretty graciously even though I disagree strongly with Kimberly about major issues in the discussion of homosexuality and the teachings of scripture. Here’s how” I” want to answer your question “how do I get around Lev.18” because you need to hear this from a fellow evangelical christian. I don’t “get around” Lev 18. I’ve done it. I have had sex with a man many years ago before I was married. I did it because I wanted to, no one forced me. It did nothing for me and I don’t do it now. So Lev.18 applies to me…but it gets worse. When I look at Jesus list from Matt.5:21-22, or vs.27-28-I’m on that list too…but it gets worse, when I look at all of I Cor 6:9-10, I’m on that list too. However XXX today is Good Friday. Today is the day that Jesus became an “abomination” in my place. Today is the day that Jesus died the death sentence I deserded for the things I’ve done. So, how do YOU get “around” these passages? Or are you so pure and without sin that you don’t have to be concerned about how to “get around” passages like this, that we as evangelical christians say is the “Word of God” that “divides between the thoughts and intentions of our hearts”? Or have you now been “saved” from all of this and are now ascending the ladder of holiness to the height where you can lob bombs of accusation against people like Kimberly? Really? My suspicion XXX, is that you are on a few of these lists also and that it is only by God’s grace and mercy that you and I got up this morning and started our day, instead of being a smoking hole in the ground because of what our sin deserved. If you are not able to realize on a day like Good Friday that the grace God has shown you only allows you to speak from the foot of the cross for the rest of your life, than you do not understand the gospel. You ought to reconsider this day, sit back, drink a tall glass of “shut up” and revisit this site when you can share your name and your thoughts with more clarity and humility. I must add my apologies to Kimberly and the rest of you on this site because I realize what I have said here does not represent your beliefs or views. For that I apologize, but I don’t apologize for anything I have said to XXX.

        • Yes, but I probably will. How about you Frank? Will you “sin no more”? Will you ever move beyond the need to continually receive God’s grace until your dying day? If you think so and really think you can, in fact, “sin no more”, then…good luck with that.

  8. This may be your best work yet. Okay, it is. Short, to the point, and spot on.
    God bless you and your family

  9. I have just had an Epiphany which usually only happens on January 6th. Those of us who support marriage equality need to make it clear that we support exactly that, the equal right to marry the person you love. To say I support gay marriage or same sex marriage diminishes the sacred covenant of marriage. I support marriage. Marriage is a sacred covenant between two people, entered into before God and affirmed by our brothers and sisters in Christ. Gay marriage, same sex marriage and heterosexual marriage all smack of separate but equal. So from now I intent to be intentional in the way I speak about marriage. At Easter most of all we need to remember that God calls to the same table no matter who we are. May God bless and keep you and your family at this Easter time. May he cause his face to shine on you and bring you peace.

    Your brother in Christ, James

  10. I haven’t visited your blog in a while, but I’m instantly reminded of why I like reading your work so much. Too often, especially in my church (Roman Catholic), it’s about an issue (same-sex marriage), involving natural law, God’s will, the meaning of words, etc. etc. etc. Thank you for the timely reminder that this is foremost about people who love each other. I appreciate that perspective very much. God bless you and your blog 🙂

  11. Wow Kimberly! I got to work, got my coffee and as usual I searched for your site to read before I started my day. Now I find myself wishing I had more time to respond to at least one paragraph in your comments. I think you know by now that I am like so many others who comment here, that is, I too am grateful you write on this site and I too am one who I believe genuinely loves you as my sister in Christ. But I am also one who has very strong differences of beliefs that you have, as you know. I hope we can have a lot of discussion here after the supreme court makes their decision. Personally, I hope the court decides to grant gay couples the right/status of marriage. I believe gay couples should be given the same respect, dignity and honor in the civil realm that I am given in my hetereosexual marriage. But I would still argue that the church should also be given the right to exclude that terminology and definition of marriage if it so chooses. And that, I believe is the real sticky wicket in this whole matter on which the court will decide or eventually have to decide at a later date. So, I gotta get to work and I know I haven’t addressed anything in particular in regard to your entry here. I just wanted to say hi and wish you and your partner and family a happy and blessed Easter.

    • Ron my friend we are absolutely on the SAME page! I do not need or want any church that does not believe in my marriage to be forced by anyone, especially the government, to recognize or bless my marriage. There are PLENTY of churches that do whether or not the government recognizes it. When I say I believe in the separation of church and state I mean I believe it goes both ways. Thank you for your voice and your blessing. May blessings permeate your Easter!

  12. Amen, Kimberly! As much as I was looking forward to hearing about the Supreme Court arguments, the past two days have been fraught with tension and some disappointment. Being discussed as an “issue” is very disconcerting.

    • Indeed it surely is Susan. I am quite tired of being talked about as an object rather than a human.

    • Hopefully God doesn’t need my frail little fists of fury to defend God’s honor 😉

      But thank you and love you!

  13. Amen! Thank you for defending my dignity as a child of God. I’m blessed to be gay and couldn’t imagine it any other way.

  14. In the era of the civil rights movement the majority population learned a lot about the minority that was being oppressed. Compassion came to develop through knowing about issues and through knowing people. All the folks who have had the courage to come out have helped to educate lots of people, including my own formerly somewhat ignorant self. The Tide of History is turning again, and public opinion has shifted drastically in a short time. You and I may live to see the day when your life gets a big “ho-hum, what’s new” instead of making people feel threatened. I also want to see a day when you two do not feel threatened or put upon.

    • Indeed my friend, I do believe that hearts and minds are evolving but some days those who are intentionally dragging their feet wear me slap out.

    • MK,

      Thank you so much for your incredible love and support. I am humbled by you graciousness.