Hard Conversations: We Find Our Identity In Christ

For the past few weeks, I have been blogging through a series called Hard Conversations. This is also a series that is being preached on Sunday mornings at River Corner Church.

This blog series isabout staying present with one another when life, faith, and relationships get complicated. Instead of withdrawing or reacting in moments of disagreement and difficulty, we’re exploring how God calls and equips us to remain united in love — even when we disagree.

Why bother to remain united in love and have hard conversations in a different way?

Because in 2026, we are more connected than ever yet increasingly polarized, as cultural and theological differences are frequently weaponized through digital “tribes” and constant social media outrage. Each day, the news and our social media feeds tell us what to think about politics, immigration, race, and sexuality, often training us to respond with lines drawn for war rather than understanding.

So far in this series, we have talked about how we need to pause before we reply, respond, or react, to make these affirmations:

Today, we focus on a fourth affirmation: “We find our identity in Christ, not in our belief systems.”

This is what I mean by that. When we root our worth in our specific political, cultural, ideological, or theological “tribes,” disagreement feels like a personal threat to who we are, and then we put our identity more in that than in Jesus. By anchoring our identity in our belonging to Jesus first, we gain the security needed to listen to others without fear.

We will also see that sometimes avoiding hard conversations will have consequences, and entering them is for the sake of those caught in the crossfire.

A Look At Galatians 2:11-12

Take a look at Galatians 2:11-12. The passage we are looking at is one of the most unsettling in the New Testament for me. I am not going to hide that. There has been much ink spilled, many debates held, and many ideas shared about this passage.

Paul writes to the church in Galatia because he feels they are “turning to a different gospel—which is really no gospel at all” (Galatians 1:6–7, NIV). Paul confronts them, saying, “Some people are throwing you into confusion and trying to pervert the gospel of Christ” (Galatians 1:7, NIV). Paul’s next line is really important. Do not listen to any other gospel than the one preached to you, even if someone claiming to be an angel appears to you. It is “Christ Alone.”

That entire argument reaches its fulfillment in Galatians 2:20:

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20, NIV).

This is the heart of the gospel. Christ alone.

All that we were, all that shaped us, the things we did and said, our cultural markers, our pride, our performance, our tribal loyalties, were nailed to the cross when we said “yes” to Jesus. What rises with Christ is a new creation. A new life. A new covenant community. A new identity.

Not Jew first. Not Gentile first. Not conservative or progressive first. Not our past first.

To discover that it is Jesus alone is not just a theological statement. It is our identity. It is a reminder of how we approach every situation, conversation, and opportunity.

We Don’t Want Approval

In Galatians, Paul names an important reality here: we must hold to this “Christ alone” at all costs, trying not to win the approval of human beings but of God. He warns us that “If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10, NIV).

This is a message that can’t take a back seat to people-pleasing or fear.

Paul’s line here argues that theological clarity is greater than social unity. By the way, that is an important truth for us to “hold” in hard conversations. We never neglect being loving, but we never trade truth for unity. Not every hard conversation will end in conversion, agreement, or a swayed point of view.

Sometimes we need to stand firmly. That happens here in Galatians. Why does Paul remind them at the start of his letter that pleasing people means neglecting God? Because that is exactly what he is claiming they are doing, just like Peter, or Cephas, did once during another hard conversation.

Right before the passage we read, Paul makes a case that he is for the Gentiles. However, this does not mean he is acting without the apostles’ oversight. Early in his journey, he spent fifteen days with Peter, whom he identifies as Cephas in 1:18. There, Paul also met James, the Lord’s brother, but not the other apostles. From then on, news traveled.

Paul seems to have kept in touch with the apostles, because after fourteen years of being on mission, he went up to Jerusalem and took Barnabas and Titus with him (Galatians 2:1). Why he went is important. He had a vision, but he also said, “I wanted to be sure I was not running and had not been running my race in vain” (Galatians 2:2, NIV). They gave Paul and Barnabas the right hand of fellowship.

Peter, Simon, and Cephas

Right away, we run into a small tension in the text. Why does Paul shift from calling Peter “Peter” to calling him “Cephas”?

There are different theories, but most scholars agree that Cephas and Peter are the same person. Cephas is the Aramaic name. Peter is Greek. Both mean “rock.” Paul is not talking about two different leaders. He is talking about the same apostle.

Another question is timing. Did this confrontation happen before, during, or after Acts 15? There are arguments on all sides. Where I currently land is that this took place after the Jerusalem Council. Acts 15:35 tells us Paul and Barnabas remained in Antioch after the issue was resolved. It seems Peter later arrived there, and that is the moment Paul is recounting in Galatians.

When Peter first arrived, he freely ate with Gentile believers. He had already seen God welcome them. He had defended them publicly. But when certain men connected to James showed up, Peter began to withdraw. Even Barnabas was pulled into the separation.

Why? Paul says it was fear. Peter likely found himself in a tense situation and chose people-pleasing over clarity.

The issue was not Jewish customs themselves. The issue was requiring them for salvation. Culture was not the problem. Making culture a condition for belonging was. If circumcision becomes necessary, then Jesus is no longer enough. Faith becomes secondary to a ritual.

Anytime we make belonging depend on something more than faith in Christ, we elevate that marker above the gospel itself.

Careful With Whom You Sit

In this passage, Paul is angry because Peter comes to Antioch and aligns himself with the circumcision group. Paul says Peter did it out of fear. That is why Paul opens Galatians by insisting he is not trying to please people. He believes Peter knew the truth but compromised to keep the peace. In trying to avoid conflict, Peter created a deeper one.

The Jerusalem leaders had already agreed that Gentiles did not need to follow Jewish law to be saved. But they were still leading traditional Jewish communities. They were navigating tension between long-held convictions and this new gospel reality.

Peter is caught in that tension.

He may have thought he was being wise, trying to balance both sides. But Paul makes it clear that fear was driving him. The pull to please people is powerful.

Paul sees the problem immediately. When you move tables, you unconsciously send a message. You are not just being diplomatic. You are showing where you believe belonging rests. By withdrawing from Gentile believers, Peter communicated that they were not fully in. That Christ alone was not enough.

That fractured the visible unity of the church. Leaders must model the gospel, not just teach it.

And Peter’s actions had an influence. Other Jewish believers followed him. Even Barnabas was swept into the separation. What had been clarified in Acts 15 now felt undone.

So Paul does something bold. He confronts Peter publicly. The conversation is heated and emotional. Later, Paul tells Timothy that leaders who persist in sin should be rebuked publicly so others may take warning (1 Timothy 5:20, NIV). Here, Paul lives that out.

Calling An Apostle Out on the Spot

To many of us, Paul may feel intense in Galatians 2. In front of everyone, Paul points out that Peter himself lives like a Gentile, yet is now aligning with those who pressure Gentiles to adopt Jewish customs. Paul names it for what it is: hypocrisy.

Paul then steps into the hard conversation, as Peter should have, and makes the point. Justification and salvation come only through Jesus. Nothing else. Both Jews and Gentiles stand on the same ground. Both are sinners. Both need the same grace.

And then Paul gives one of the most powerful summaries of the gospel identity:

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20, NIV).

We are not Jew or Gentile first. We are a new covenant community. A new people. Our identity is not in culture, background, or ritual. It is in Christ alone.

However, we often enter hard conversations through the lens of old identities.

But old identities are not who we are, nor are our old associations.

You are not your past.

You are not your culture.

You are not your upbringing.

You are not your political alignment.

You are not your hobbies or practices.

You are a new creation. You belong to a new covenant community.

Paul retells the council and what happened afterward in Antioch, not just to revisit history but to set the stage for how he will keep them accountable in the same way.

Here is a truth: Sometimes the people sitting across from us think, act, and even smell too differently for our comfort. On paper, we know God loves them. Theologically, we affirm unity. But when the pressure rises and social cost increases, acceptance becomes harder than we imagined. That is what is happening in this story.

Paul confronts him publicly, not to shame him, but also to convince him and to correct those influenced by his actions and those watching from the sidelines. Those caught in the crossfire.

If Peter’s behavior stood unchallenged, it would reinforce a divided church.

This is not a “let’s agree to disagree” moment. And it is not the kind of hard conversation where we pretend nothing is wrong. Sometimes, regardless of whether we trust the other person’s intentions, we must address behavior. Like words, actions can communicate theology.

The Problem with Fear

Peter’s flaw was not hatred. It was fear. He allowed part of his identity to rest in the approval, expectations, and convictions of others. Paul’s concern, however, was singular: the truth of the gospel, with nothing added to it. Throughout Galatians, Paul makes clear that our identity is not grounded in cultural markers, traditions, or group acceptance. We are not called to live in a way that pleases people, but in a way that is faithful to Christ.

Acceptance is not the goal of the gospel, and it cannot be the goal of hard conversations.

Division emerged because Peter was afraid to step fully into the tension. And Paul shows us that when our identity is rooted in fear or people-pleasing, we will lose the hard conversation before it even begins.

In hard conversations, we must remember this: our identity is found in Christ, not in others’ approval, and not even in our ability to argue well.

So what does that mean for us, especially when conversations we thought were resolved begin to unravel again?

Peter’s weakness teaches us to examine our motivations, our posture, and our fears. If my identity is rooted in being right, I will fight to win. If it is rooted in the desire to be liked, I will compromise to keep the peace. If it is rooted in my tribe, I will defend my side at all costs. If it is rooted in my past, I will demand that others walk the same road I did.

But if my identity is rooted in Christ, I am free. Free from ego. Free from fear. Free from needing to win.

That is what Paul models. He is not protecting himself. He is protecting the gospel and the unity it creates. And that is the affirmation we must hold, especially when resolution seems to slip through our fingers.

Don’t Do As Peter Did

We struggle in hard conversations for a few reasons, and we see each of them in Peter.

First, people-pleasing. Peter withdrew because he was afraid. In trying to keep approval, he compromised clarity.

Second, unexamined behavior. He did not preach a new message. He simply changed tables. But that action communicated division.

Third, threatened identity. It may have felt like losing heritage, but Peter was being called into something greater, where identity was rooted in Christ rather than culture.

That is why Paul confronts him. Not to shame him, but to realign the church

Four Ways To Respond to Hard Conversations

Here are four simple reminders drawn from this story.

We must remember that we need Jesus just as much as the person we disagree with. Paul levels the ground. Jew and Gentile both stand in need of grace. This was not a battle between the righteous and the wicked. It was a reminder that everyone is justified the same way.
We must not let fear or people-pleasing shape our actions. Peter withdrew because he was afraid. In trying to avoid tension, he created deeper division. Hiding from the truth in hard conversations only makes the problem bigger.
We must remember there is always crossfire in hard conversations. Others are watching. When Peter moved tables, the rest followed. Even Barnabas was led astray. Our choices ripple beyond the moment.
We must anchor our identity in Christ, not in our side or our experience. Peter leaned toward his tribe. Paul leaned into the gospel. When identity is rooted in Christ, we can confront, repent, and unify without collapsing.

This story in Galatians 2 is powerful. It is a hard conversation that found unity, then became strained again when fear and influence crept in. It shows how easily we can be shaped by culture, past experiences, and unexamined motivations.

Stepping into hard conversations in loving ways can make all the difference.

However, stepping healthily into hard conversations can only happen after remembering, “We find our identity in Christ, not in our belief systems.”

You can watch this message as it was preached at River Corner Church: