Three’s Company

I must seem like good wife material to these brothas…

Second wife material that is.

Let me break it down for those of you who don’t quite understand.

In Islam, a man is allowed to have more than one wife. He can have up to four if he so chooses. Now there are rules when it comes to this practice. He must be financially stable and just to all of his wives. This is not like a harem thing where the brotha gets fed grapes under a palm tree on some tropical island. It ain’t that kind of party.

Since I have embarked on this search I have had several brothas ask me if I was interested in joining their families. Most of these men are fairly young, successful and seem to have pretty good marriages. Interestingly enough, their wives are perfectly fine with entering plural marriage.

I must admit. It weirds me out.

One sister actually asked on her husband’s behalf.

First off, I don’t like to share and if I don’t want to share my husband that is my right. If Allah blesses me with a husband I would want him for myself. I’m 100% woman. If he has me then he doesn’t need anyone else.

Sistaqueens, know your value.

If you choose to take part in polygyny because you desire to practice it then gon’ ahead!

Also, if you decide to practice polygyny due to desperation and frustration I suggest you to do a self evaluation.

Thing is these married brothas are so persistent.

Common one liners I’ve heard:

“Sista, the Prophet and his wives did it. You think you’re better than them?”

Exactly! The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was just that – the Prophet! So rather than trying to emulate this practice to your advantage why not try something else? Perhaps night prayers, feeding the poor, or having more patience. If you desire to be so much like our Beloved there are an array of good acts to choose from. I can provide you with a list.

“It’s too much temptation these days. Would you rather have a brotha cheat on his wife?”

My thirsty brotha, please have a seat somewhere. Ain’t nobody got time for you to be talking this mess right now. If you are already married and concerned about infidelity then you need to examine your current relationship. Is there something lacking in your marriage? Do you have an insatiable appetite? If you answered yes to either of those then polygyny is not going to solve your problem.

“There are a lot of Muslim women who need help. Don’t you want for your sister what you want for yourself?”

Yes, sure there are many women in need… but hot dayum do you have to marry the sista to help her out?

Pass.

Don’t religiously guilt a sista into polygyny. This practice is an option. It doesn’t make you any less of a Muslim if you choose not to practice this.

I cannot stand Muslims who exploit the religion to their advantage. Most would think that brothas take advantage of polygyny.

But guess what though?

Many sistas do too.

This is a recent finding of mine. I have had several friends enter polygyny due to the simple fact that they don’t want a husband “full time.” They would prefer to share their man with another woman. For these women it means less cooking, less cleaning and all your needs are taken care of.

Now, for some couples polygyny works perfectly fine. From what I have seen it takes certain personality types, a lot of patience and sacrifice. It can actually be successful if all those involved get along.

Do what makes you happy and always remember Allah.

You’ll never lose with that.

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Ihssan Tahir is a twenty something self-proclaimed “SistaQueen” living in Chicago. She is a registered nurse and specializes in emergency and trauma medicine. In her spare time she enjoys writing and practicing the violin. You can follow her candid blog about her husband hunting endeavors and relationship tidbits at http://muslimnlove.com/.