Chastity Check

He had no shame. I think that made the situation worse.

I asked him the question I have asked most brothers I am interested in.

“Have you been in any relationships outside of your previous marriage?”

He looked at me and nodded.

Sadly, it didn’t surprise me because this seemed to be the reality for a majority of brothers my friends and I encountered.

Brothers who acted a hot stakin’ mess…

Sex before marriage, babies out of wedlock and not even hiding it in the slightest.

What makes matters worse is many of them are not reprimanded.

Jummah by day and the club by night.

Posting it everywhere for folks to see.

Listen, I ain’t got the time…

Ya’ll know I keep it real all day everyday.

There are many brothers looking for wives who were once caught up in the dunya. Now a sista ain’t judgin’. I will give a brotha a chance if he is deemed as worthy and approaches the situation with a sincere heart.

The key is to step correct.

With all that being said it is very disheartening meeting brothers who have not held onto their chastity.

If it is expected from women it should also be expected from men as well.

All this mumbo jumbo about how it is difficult for a man to control himself is absolute crap and I don’t use that as an excuse.

All single Muslims regardless of gender are sexually frustrated in an oversexed society.

Now I am not being biased here because I know many sisters have also been involved in premarital sexual relationships. But I am positive that the number of brothers outweigh the sisters by a long shot.

I give mad respect to the brother who holds himself together for his future wife. I have come across several of them. May Allah reward you. Truly, you are a gem.

Like I have mentioned, if the fear of fornication is not enough to deter you from premarital encounters then the fear of contracting one of the 3 H’s (Herpes, HIV, Hepatitis) should be enough.

Thirty minutes of gratification for a lifetime of misery.

You can keep that!

So many Muslims are concerned with female sexuality that we are not looking at the bigger picture. Instead of focusing on the proper way to tie your hijab in order not to distract a man we need to be discussing why many Muslim men of marriageable age are, quite frankly, not seeking spouses.

They are getting their needs met in other ways.

Why get married, financially support a wife when you can get booty on the side?

What is truly the incentive?

For some men they see no incentive with taking a wife when they can get what they want for free.

Just like a brother doesn’t want to marry a sister who has been around the block I have no interest in marrying someone who has “been around”. I think many sisters should stick to this approach when dealing with potential suitors.

Don’t settle.

Western culture correlates manhood with sexuality. Many men have fallen for this gimmick and this includes Muslim men.

Then I had this thought…

As a Muslim woman why am I not entitled to be open with my own sexuality? I am not talking about sleeping around here and being reckless with my body. Why am I not able to simply state that one of my motivations for getting married is to fulfill my sexual desires? As a woman even the mere mention of the word “sex” will throw most Muslims into cahoots and a fatwa frenzy. Though as a man its absolutely acceptable to be adamant in regards to his needs.

I think I smell something here called a …. DOUBLE STANDARD!

In many cultures you are not considered a “woman” until you are married and have been intimate with a man.

Bullshit.

What is so wrong with having preferences and being vocal about what you want and more importantly what you don’t? Quite frankly, I am disgusted by consistently being defined by a man or in relation to them. As women we are our own entity and deserve to think and speak for ourselves.

Sistas, sexually emancipate yourself and understand that there is nothing wrong with being honest with what Allah has placed within all of us…

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Ihssan Tahir is a twenty something self-proclaimed “SistaQueen” living in Chicago. She is a registered nurse and specializes in emergency and trauma medicine. In her spare time she enjoys writing and practicing the violin. You can follow her candid blog about her husband hunting endeavors and relationship tidbits at http://muslimnlove.com/.

Ihssan will be moderating the event for our new book, “Salaam, Love” in Chicago on Tuesday, February 18th – join us! More info, here.