Just a friend

All I heard was the word “friends”.

Everything after that was muffled. To be quite honest, I wasn’t really listening. He could have told me the building was on fire and I would have just kept smiling and nodding.

I was in the friends zone.

Maybe intentionally. Maybe not.

Regardless it was a smack in the face. I thought this is how Biz Markie must have felt. I should have just busted out in rhymes in the middle of the restaurant.

I zoned back into the conversation. As arrogant as it might be perceived I had enough friends and I didn’t want anymore. If my lips could have uttered what my mind was thinking than that is what I would have said. I was looking for a husband, not anymore friends.

I couldn’t say that, it would have sounded absolutely ridiculous.

I don’t trust single brothers who have many “sister” friends. As a woman, I have no interest being friends and cool with many brothers. That is what I need my sistaqueens for. Perhaps I might need a brother to bounce a thought off of, but it stops there.

Didn’t they say that the beginning phases of a good romantic relationship usually started as a friendship? Isn’t the best partner one that you can call both your friend and lover?

Working, organizing events and even in MSA a lot of relationships start off on the premise of just being friends. Sometimes this is the gateway to developing a more romantic relationship and at other times is nips everything in the bud. Real fast.

From what I have seen women do this far more often than men. We’re quick to put a brother in the friends zone because sometimes ya’ll like to move real fast when it comes to the courting and the marriage process.

I felt some sort of way with being categorized by this brother.

Yeah, a sista does have a bit of an ego but not enough to admit that I was hurt. Just slightly.

Then I thought to myself…

What happens when it’s one sided? When one views you as their friend but you view them in a romantic light? Can two single people on the quest for love truly be friends?

Don’t allow single people looking for “friends” to use you as a crutch. If you are talking to them with the hope that it might lead to more I would suggest several things. As soon as they start talking about the issues they are having in their relationships or the difficulty involved with finding a partner then that means they have put you in the friends zone.

As Muslims living in the West we all have different views when it comes to gender interactions. This can be dependent on several factors such as culture and religious practice. I’ve noticed that with many younger folks our tactics to finding a spouse involves both a western and religious approach.

Sometimes it can get real confusing.

If someone is suitable for you then why are you putting them in the friends zone? Some people will use the excuse that they grew up with the person or their families are close. Common one liners include, “He’s like my brother!” or “No way! That would never happen!”

Honey boo boo, it might feel like he’s your brother but in reality he’s not. I’m sure you’ve never thought about giving him a chance but perhaps you should weigh out your options here. You both have more in common than you think. Utilize the single people around you. Your partner might be right in front of your face.

People are playing games…

I can’t and nobody has the time!

You betta get that!

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Ihssan Tahir is a twenty something self-proclaimed “SistaQueen” living in Chicago. She is a registered nurse and specializes in emergency and trauma medicine. In her spare time she enjoys writing and practicing the violin. You can follow her candid blog about her husband hunting endeavors and relationship tidbits at http://muslimnlove.com/.