The Numbers on the Scale

I was incredulous as I stared down at the number. My brother-in-law’s scale must be broken, I concluded. There was no way I weighed more now than I did when I was nine months pregnant with my son. A week later I found myself on a scale again, curious. This time it was a scale at my parents’ house. And there they were—the same numbers.

I weigh more today than I did before giving birth to Bobby two years ago. 

I got rid of my scale several years ago. In fact, until last week I hadn’t been on a scale since my last postpartum visit two summers ago. This recent stint on a scale has rather confirmed my decision to ditch it. Let me explain!

When I had a scale I cared more about the number I saw than about how my body felt. I counted calories rather than asking whether the food I ate was good for my health, both short term and long term. When I exercised my goal was burning calories, not toning or building muscle. So I ditched the scale. I stopped counting calories or exercising solely to burn calories. Instead I started trying to eat in a way that is good for my health, both now and down the road—and when I worked out, I focused on tone and muscle.

In other words, after ditching the scale I made my goal health and feeling good in my body. The result was more energy and more muscle—especially helpful for those moments when I have to bring in the groceries with a two-year-old over my shoulder.

And now we return to the scale. It seems my brother-in-law’s scale was not wrong—I weigh more today than I did before giving birth to Bobby two years ago. That shocks me, not because I am horrified by the number (though part of me most certainly is) but rather because it’s hard for me to believe that that dreaded number could actually describe the body I have today.

I weighed 30 pounds less in high school than I do today, and I hated my body. I saw myself as unattractive and chubby and did what I could to hide and conceal my body. Today I feel completely differently. What changed between then and now? Well for one thing, I stopped alternating between binging and starving myself, and my body is the better for it. For another thing, my weight is distributed differently, and my ratio of body fat to muscle has shifted.

In the past few years I have become confident in my body in a way I’ve never been before. Yes, I’m curvy—and I’m happy with that! Sure, there are some areas where I’d like more tone, or to trim down a bit. There is always room for improvement. But today I carry myself with a confidence I didn’t use to have. I finally like my body and what I see in the mirror.

I realize my experience is only one data point. But I can say with confidence that for me, at least, the numbers on the scale do little to actually describe my body. I can say this for sure—I’m not going to be getting a new scale any time soon.