Love, Joy, Feminism
Melissa of Permission to Live is writing a new series.
Once upon a time there were two girls. One was very sad most of the time, she kept her head down and did what she was told, because she could not imagine ever being strong enough to do anything different. She hardly knew what it meant to dream, to have goals and ambitions, because her life was already mapped out for her by others, she just had to follow the rules and be the person she was supposed to be.
The other girl was very afraid, she had been told her whole life that she was a boy, but secretly she knew she was a girl; she also knew that she could never ever breathe a word about it to anyone, because being a girl born with a boy’s body was wrong and impossible in the world she lived in. So she did the best she could to hide any part of her personality that could betray her secret.
The girls met, married, started a family, and fell in love.
Those girls were my wife and I.
I’ve known Melissa for over three years now. Three-and-a-half years ago I first entered the loose constellation of blogs created by young adults who grew up, like me, in the conservative Christian homeschooling subculture. Melissa’s blog, Permission to Live, was one of the first blogs I read. Many of my ideas about positive parenting were shaped by both Melissa and fellow blogger Dulce de Leche—both had children slightly older than mind, and both were leaving the same toxic parenting ideas behind. But Melissa’s story soon became much, much more than just that.
Three years ago this summer I had the opportunity to meet Melissa and her family. We spent three hours together at a park. I brought a strawberry pie and a watermelon, and between Sean and I, Melissa and Haley, and our collective five children, we didn’t leave a scrap left. We enjoyed talking so much that we completely lost track of the time. At the time, Haley was presenting as male, the gender she had been assigned at birth, and working as a minister. Her name was different, too.
After her visit, Melissa told me about Haley’s secret—that she was transgender. The following spring, over two years ago now, Melissa wrote her “Unwrapping the Onion” series about their journey of discovery and, ultimately, their decision to come out. And come out they did! Haley left the ministry and she and Melissa moved across state lines to begin a new life.
Melissa and Haley are some of the most brave people I know. I have admired their strength as I have followed their journey, and I am honored to call her my friend. Many of Melissa’s readers have asked her what came next. How did their families respond? How did they go about building new lives from scratch? In her new series, “Brave New Life,” Melissa answers those questions and tells the rest of the story.
Part 2: Coming Out When You Expect the Worst
And there are more installments to come!
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