Non-Entity Wins New Hampshire!

Wafting gently to the microphone to project his voice through the ether into our corporeal dimension, an intermittently visible Mitt Romney continued his journey from the spectral realms into full integration with the physical world, assisted by the childlike faith of New Hampshire Republicans whose belief is helping him to assume solid form and something like a definite shape (molded and shaped, of course, by whatever the most GOPer’s happen to want at the moment).

Meanwhile, vindictive badger Newt Gingrich, fresh from declaring himself Future Nominee and then destroyed by the actual results at the polls, has vowed, in his deeply Catholic way, to destroy Romney. In turn, the moneyed class is responding to this latest threat to Manifestation of the Romney Ectoplasm by cursing Gingrich with the Name Most Terrible: Barack Hussein Gingrich. This sacred imprecation is a spell classed with the other Unforgiveable Curses such as the Cruciatus and Imperio curses.

Once he is dispatched, there remains only one serious challenge: the guy who took second place that nobody wants to talk about. Oh, and Huntsman, who might still have a little surge. Not to worry though. The candidate nobody wants will mysteriously get the most votes and successfully assume physical form just in time for the election, which fight promoters are already billing as “Clinton/Dole II”. Of course, now that the Non-Entity has McCain’s endorsement, it could also be billed as “Obama/McCain II”. The GOP’s only hope is that all the Matt Damons, Glenn Greenwalds, Rachel Maddows, Jon Stewarts, and Stephen Colberts will stay home in their disgust about the God King’s elimination of habeas corpus. The problem is, the GOP members of Congress led the charge on the passage of that monstosity. Indeed, it was John McCain who wrote the bill.

Vote DQ3! Doomed Quixotic Third Party!