Kids! Do you want riches untold and awesome power?

Then you should think about a career as a Catholic writer or founder of a Catholic apostolate! You can make literally hundreds of dollars!

Here’s a testimony from the fabulously rich and powerful Sherry Weddell, who is practically a household word in her household. Responding to the a reader who accuses her of vast profiteering (on the basis of what the voices in his head tell him) she writes:

Reminds me of the Jewish guy I sat next to on a plane to JFK. As we circled Manhattan, we had this exchange:

JG: What do you do?
SW: (thinking desperately how to describe what I do to JG) I run a non-profit that helps people recognize how they have been gifted by God for the sake of others.
JG: YOU! You’re interesting!
SW: Huh?
JG: Do you believe in this Jesus guy?
SW: Yes.
JG: Me, you may have figured out I’m Jewish.
SW: Aha
JG: So how much do you charge for one of these workshops? $25,000?
SW: (Snort) I’m Catholic.
JG: (sympathetically) Oh. Too bad . . . Do you think I’m fat

Enter the high stakes, big money world of Catholic writing and ministry, and you can have exciting encounters like this too! I wield awesome power as (I am informed by various readers) a “former Protestant pastor” who “has his own television show” and who “makes a fortune in Catholic publishing” as well as “trying to turn the Church into a protestant sect” and (with the foul temptress Sherry Weddell) is currently engaged in an effort to have her appointed “Cardinal Bishop Wendell” (the fake name is for security purposes. Astute Pewsitters know these things because, as I am informed, women are all empty-headed gossips who can’t keep any secrets).

Such power as I possess is yours for the taking if only you are willing to be as ruthless as I have been in… um, writing a bunch of stuff that people read, for which I receive modest pay. There is, of course, nothing more sinister than a Catholic writer being paid modestly for his work. What could be more subversive? And Weddell? You’ll notice she never answered the Jewish guy’s question. What is she hiding? Is there no end to her fiendish schemes? So: if you are bent on mammon and perversion of the faith, look no further than the exciting and sinister underworld of “Catholic writing and non-profit ministry”.