Good News/Bad News

Good News/Bad News January 25, 2013

The Good News (for everyone but Victor Lams): JJ Abrams is set to direct the new Star Wars flick.

The Bad News: Sources now reveal that “JJ” stands for “Jar Jar”.

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  • Kenneth

    I’d like to see the Coen brothers take a crack at Star Wars! Or Peter Jackson. Nobody does an epic like him these days. And as a bonus, he could work in a scene where Gollum kills off Jar-Jar. “We wring it’s filthy neck, precious!”

    • ivan_the_mad

      I demand that you make a movie with that scene, or even just a movie consisting entirely of that scene. Crowdsource it. I’m certain it will smash all existing records for movie budgets.

      • ivan_the_mad

        And by crowdsourcing I meant kickstart it. More coffee now …

  • How about a plot where Jar-Jar gets recruited by The Sith and becomes the worst Dark Lord of all, surpassing The Emperor, Darth Vader, and Mark Shea.

    • Dan Berger

      No one can surpass Mark Shea in Dark Lordship.

  • Andy, Bad Person

    On one hand, Abrams is infinitely better than George Lucas, so this is good for the franchise.

    On the other hand, I’m worried that I won’t be able to read the introductory scrolling with all the lens flare.

  • Katie in FL

    I told my daughter about the new directorship yesterday when I found out, and she was very excited. Her next Facebook post was : Help us, J.J. Abrams, you’re our only hope.
    I will have to break the bad news to her about his Jar Jar secret. Saying that name in our house gets a similar reaction to the name Haman during Purim.

  • I would have said: The bad news is, J.J. stands for Jar Jar, and he’s going to start off by remaking the Star Wars Holiday Special.

  • Mark S. (not for Shea)

    J.J. is a great choice. My #1 choice would’ve been Brad Bird, but barring that, let’s go with J.J.

    I just hope his producer has the backbone to make him cut down on the lense flares.

  • victor

    You know, I was trying to work up some outrage over this but I was struck by the realization that J.J. Abrams really can’t do anything to Star Wars (in terms of the ret-conning war-crime he did to Star Trek) that Lucas didn’t already do in Episodes I-III.

    So have at Star Wars, J.J. Abrams. Maybe that help you take your eye of Star Trek for a while and then we can get back to REAL stories in the REAL (i.e. TNG/DS9/Voy) continuity written by REAL Trek writers (Braga, Berman, Moore, and Behr)!

    • Andy, Bad Person

      Cracked had an article about this a while ago. Basically, it was saying that Disney doesn’t make bad movies. It sometimes makes mediocre movies (John Carter, etc.), and it frequently makes GREAT movies (did you know they did the Avengers?), but almost never makes a truly BAD movie.

      Plus, if they’re horrible, at least we’ll get some fantastic Plinkett videos on Red Letter Media like we got for the prequels. And that’s fine in my book.

  • James Isabella

    JJ Abrams is *such* a safe choice…I’m kinda disappointed in it.

    My choice would have been Chinese director Yimou Zhang (of Hero, House of Flying Daggers, etc).

    Since Star Wars was originally a Sci-Fi version of Seven Samuri to begin with, I think a Chinese director would have been an interesting idea.

    • Cow Shea

      Normally I wouldn’t nitpick, but this is the internet talking about Star Wars, so I figure I’m pretty safe. You were pretty close, but Star Wars is more based on Hidden Fortress, a different film by the same guy, Akira Kurosawa, who is Japanese. As are samurai in general. The more you know!

      If you are looking for a Western version of Seven Samurai, check out Pixar’s “A Bug’s Life”, which is pretty much the same movie at 1/1000th the scale.

      • Mark S. (not for Shea)

        Toshiro Mifune was Lucas’s original choice to play Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi, but the studio insisted on a big name Western actor.

      • Can’t I just watch The Magnificent Seven or Three Amigos if I want to watch a western version of Seven Samurai?

        • victor

          Ooh! JJ Abrams reboot of “A Bug’s Life”!

          • Cow Shea

            Oddly enough, that’s how Alias started.