After all my years of counseling couples, I’ve learned that a woman falls in love with a man who sacrifices to meet her needs. She also stays in love with this kind of man. In fact, nothing in this world can endear a man to a woman more than the quality of sacrificial love. In the same way, nothing embitters a woman’s spirit more than a selfish or abusive man. Much of the spiritual decay in our society—including the breakdown... Read more
“Then the LORD said to Cain, ‘Where is Abel your brother?’ He said, ‘I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?’” (Genesis 4:9) The story of Cain and Abel is a familiar one. The sons of Adam and Eve, they were commanded by God to bring Him an acceptable offering. In response, Abel brought an offering of his flocks, which was acceptable to God. Cain brought an offering of his fields that was less than what God required. God... Read more
At some point in your life, you’ve probably seen news footage of angry women marching or protesting about women’s rights. Occasionally these are peaceful protests, but there are always participants who seem to be aggressively anti-men. They’re angry and want the world to know about it. What happened in this country to create so many furious, hurt women? Why have America’s male-female relationships taken such an incredibly bad turn in recent years? Why do we keep hearing stories and seeing... Read more
Men, I have to ask you some questions. These are difficult questions for many of us to answer, but they are important: How are you treating the women in your life? How do you treat your wife? How do you treat your daughters? How do you treat your mother and your mother-in-law? The reason I ask these questions is because, as I counsel couples in struggling marriages, I keep encountering women who are deeply wounded. This wound comes from the... Read more
We considered a couple of the benefits found when a husband and wife both follow God’s “blueprint for marriage” from Ephesians 5:22-33. As described by the Apostle Paul, the role of the husband is to love and cherish his wife sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. A wife, meanwhile, is to submit to her husband as she does to the Lord, honoring and respecting him. When both the husband and wife fulfill these biblical... Read more
We’ve been discussing Ephesians 5:22-33, in which the Apostle Paul outlines God’s plan for a successful marriage and describes the proper roles of husbands and wives. The ideal husband loves his wife sacrificially, as Christ loves the Church. The ideal wife honors, respects, and submits to her husband “as the Church submits to Christ.” When a husband and wife take on these biblical roles, they find that their marriage becomes not only more godly, but healthier and more fulfilling. One... Read more
Years ago, I knew a couple who had a rebellious young son. He was a very difficult child and was often caught doing something wrong. Whenever it happened, this young man would immediately transfer the blame to someone else. It happened like clockwork. He would come under scrutiny, he would be threatened with discipline, and he would find someone else to blame. “My friends put a rock in my hand,” he would say. “They told me to throw it at... Read more
In Ephesians 5:22-33, the Apostle Paul gives God’s blueprint for a successful marriage. It describes the ideal husband, who loves his wife as Christ loves the Church. It describes the ideal wife, who honors and submits to her husband “as to the Lord.” When couples come to me for counseling, I share this passage with them, and we always agree that a marriage based on these roles would be healthier and holier. But while husbands and wives are always ready... Read more
Uh-oh. There’s that word again. Submission. Any time I speak about this concept, I risk offending the women in the audience, because Godly submission is one of the most misunderstood concepts in all of Scripture. Let’s look at the source. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:1–2) First, notice that submission in this passage doesn’t only apply to women. The first command is “submit to... Read more
What’s your idea of the perfect mate? I’ve been counseling married couples for more than two decades, and I can pretty much guess what your answer will be. Why? Because with the exception of some minor personal preferences, there seem to be universal standards for what we desire from the opposite sex. Men generally tell me that the ideal women is someone who makes him feel like a king. She is a cheerleader for him. She encourages him, praises him,... Read more
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