One of the most common problems in today’s marriages is distraction. Specifically, a distracted husband. This is a husband whose attention is so preoccupied by other things he neglects his wife. If you’re looking for a biblical example of a distracted husband, look no further than King Solomon, the second son of David and Bathsheba. After being appointed to reign over Israel by his father, Solomon was blessed by God with great wisdom in every area of life. Under his... Read more

One of the most destructive types of husbands is an immoral one. When immorality is brought into a marriage—whether by a biblical figure like King David or a contemporary husband—that relationship is in trouble. As a husband, a great way to begin to combat this sin is to understand the things that drive men toward pornography and immorality. One of the strongest influences is childhood rejection, especially by a boy’s parents. When a growing boy is deprived of wholesome physical... Read more

When it comes to examples of husbands behaving badly, we need look no further than Israel’s King David. He had many positive character traits and performed great exploits in God’s name, but he made a terrible mistake that brought destruction to his family and the entire nation of Israel. He brought immorality into his marriage. It’s one of the most famous stories in the Bible. As told in 2 Samuel 11:1–3, David was walking around the palace roof one spring... Read more

We introduced the problem of a passive husband—a man who fails to meet his wife’s need for leadership. Where does this kind of passivity come from? One cause is an over-led or over-nurtured past. Many passive men had parents who made every decision for them. Due to this constantly controlling behavior, the young boy never learned to act for himself. Dominant, controlling parents can lead to a boy who never learns to take responsibility for his own life—and who is... Read more

The last few Marriage Builders have focused on husbands whose leadership styles are too dominant. By dominating their wives and families, they fall short of the sacrificial ideal Paul describes in Ephesians 5. But what about the opposite end of the spectrum? What about husbands who are too passive? Israel’s King Ahab was a passive husband. He married Jezebel, an evil, conniving woman who was high priestess of the cult of Baal. Under her influence, Ahab began to worship her... Read more

We’ve been discussing the problem of dominant husbands in marriage. One cause of dominance is overcompensation for something missing in a man’s life. When a boy grows up without a father present in the home, he lacks the appropriate knowledge of how to love a woman. Likewise, a boy who grows up with a dominant mother—or has had negative experiences with women in general—may lack confidence. These childhood environments can cause ignorance or insecurity in adulthood, and those traits may... Read more

We discussed how Christ’s model for leadership required humility rather than dominance. “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant,” Jesus taught, “and whoever wants to be first must be your slave…” (Matthew 20:26-27). Yet dominant leadership seems to be the default for many men who try to control all aspects of their marriage and family. What leads to this kind of thinking? Typically, the dominating husband has been strongly influenced by the environment of his childhood.... Read more

At the Last Supper, one of the last things Jesus did with his disciples was to wash their feet. He then commanded them to do the same to one another. “I have set you an example,” Jesus said, “that you should do as I have done to you” (John 13: 15). In other words, their role in leadership was to remain humble and serve one another. Jesus gave his disciples a similar teaching after the mother of James and John... Read more