Crazy like me: A Holy Week Execution

[The following guest-post is from Jeff Hood, a death penalty activist and author in Dallas, Texas. Visit Jeff’s blog for more of his writing!]

Walking home that night, I knew something wasn’t right.  Paranoia filled my brain.  Panic filled my heart.  Anxiety filled my stomach.  Danger was everywhere.  In the darkness, someone kept whispering my name.  I begged them to stop.  They laughed at me.  No one was there.  Closing my eyes, I raced down the sidewalk.  Repeatedly, I felt people pulling and grabbing at me.  Running full speed, I couldn’t get to my dorm fast enough.  When I opened the door, I saw evil incarnate in the form of the night guard.  Feeling something in my pants, I knew I’d shit myself.  Tears streamed down my face.  “Get away from me!” I screamed.  When I got to my room, I jumped in the bed.  For hours, the demons tried to smother me.  Waking up the next morning, I couldn’t believe how destroyed my room was.  I knew I did it.  This wasn’t the first time.  Four years later, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Code enforcement in Commerce, Texas received complaint after complaint concerning the home that Adam Ward shared with his dad.  The department cited the Wards repeatedly.  When Michael Walker arrived at the Ward home, there was no reason to believe that he would be doing anything other than performing the routine duties of a code enforcement officer.  When Walker started taking pictures of violations, he didn’t know that Adam Ward was suffering from delusions about the local government trying to kill him.  Diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was 4, Ward was spiraling.  Ward began to argue with Walker.  When Walker said that he was calling for back up, Ward’s delusions told him that he was as good as dead.  Running inside, Ward grabbed a gun.  Without saying much, Ward ran at Walker and shot him nine times.  Though Ward claimed that Walker had a gun too, there was never any evidence to prove it.  The delusions haven’t stopped.  Ward was and is mentally ill.

Over the years, I’ve chosen to not own a gun.  I’ve never felt healthy enough.  I wish that Adam Ward had made the same choice.  Maybe he was incapable of such decisions.  Regardless, I know how quickly one can spiral out of control.  I know what it looks like to be so paranoid and delusional that there is no way for you to be responsible for your actions.  Ward is crazy like me.  We are sick.  There is no cure for our disease.  While I have found a regiment of medicine that works pretty good for me, I know that the pills can only do so much.  There are times when reality seems difficult to grasp.  I don’t know where Ward was with treatment.  I only know that he was very sick.  In Matthew 25, Jesus says that he is with the sick.  Tonight, the State of Texas will try to execute Adam Ward.  I know that Jesus will be there with him in his sickness.  Jesus is always placing his body between the sick and those who seek their demise.  We should too.

Throughout the day, I will travel to the execution chamber in Huntsville.  Instead of commemorating Holy Week in a place of worship, I’ve chosen to experience the passion of Jesus in Adam Ward.  When the State of Texas places the lethal needle into Ward’s arm, I will be standing outside in defiance.  We all know that Ward’s actions aren’t any crazier than the execution we are planning tonight.  We think we can teach people not to kill by killing.  Who’s more delusional: Ward or us?

Amen.