Being A Man (A Poem About Fatherhood)

You asked for the difference
Between a man and a boy
And I don’t feel like either
Since I’m a diva whose ego

Falls limps and swells like
A middle school boy each time
I’m ghosted or retweeted
So much that sometimes I just

Want to do the surgery myself
So I could have a womb
Instead and be a source of
Beauty without attachment.

But I’m being a man when my
Son’s tearful accusations that
I’m a terrible father make me
Want him to be okay and all

My defensiveness melts and I
Simply follow him to his room
And sit on his floor so that he
Can be a boy whose ego swells

And deflates as he yells at me when
He needs to and laughs at me when
He needs to while I just hold him in
My arms without physically touching

Because he started pushing my hands
Away this year when I scratch his back
For too long. I like the idea of mothers
Much more than I like the idea of fathers

But my son has taught me that I like
Being a father and standing my ground
While receiving his arrows that simply
Deepen my self-awareness, so that after a few

Days of showing up for him, he’s back to
Chattering about video games and night
Vision goggles and talking shit on the
Basketball court and asking me not

To dunk on him while telling me to play
My hardest at the same time; being a man
Is playing your hardest and making sure
That your son wins every single game.