FYI: Research on How to Feel and Be Happy

The following excerpts are taken from How to Hold on to Feeling & Being Happy: Quick Mood Fixes vs. Sustained Relational Giving- by Reinhild Draeger–Muenke, PsyD; Haim Horowitz, MA; and Ofra Shaham, PhD. Article found in Family Therapy Magazine (November-December 2006 issue).

“It appears that current culture eagerly promotes activities and material acquisitions as a way to create immediate excitement and joy, which may mistakenly be taken for happiness, but tends to fade as soon as the initial stimulation wanes. (We need to instead) examine the essence and the lasting effects of fair and meaningful giving to those who are part of our lives, in order to gain a sense of personal worth – the underpinning of all personal and lasting happiness.”

“To be complete, liberty indeed has to come with responsibility, Without responsibility, there is no meaningful liberty. Without constructive consideration of “the other” and his or her needs, such personal and disconnected freedom easily can turn into selfish, fleeting pleasures (such as gambling, excessive shopping, or substance use) – a transient mindset of happiness.”

“It is a well-known phenomenon that the individual suffers greatly when isolated from meaningful relationships. As we learned from studies of physically well-nurtured but relationally deprived children, continuous and emotionally responsive care is crucial to even basic human survival. Without it, emotional and physical death follows. Such need for meaningful relationships prevails across the lifespan and greatly determines a person’s state of emotional wellness and happiness.”

“Finding the balance between taking care of oneself, and at the same time being mindful of the needs of the “other,” has remained an essential, ongoing, and urgent directive, a central issue for all humans at all stages of life.”

“Over giving parents live in perplexity why their supposedly happy and satisfied offspring may instead become sullen, directionless, defiant and destructive in their ever increasing demands for more material “goodies.” Parents over focused on success or material gains risk missing opportunities to engage their children in age- and developmentally-appropriate giving back – for example, asking the children to adhere to properly enforced behavioral boundaries and household rules, hindering their child’s relational and intrapsychic development.”

“Relational giving include… emotionally, physically, and materially assisting a family member, friend or neighbor, or volunteering in …places of need.
These …support the notion that giving in order to bestow benefit to to others returns benefit to the giver, generating a state of true happiness. The contextual understanding of happiness emphasizes the relational nature of lasting happiness. It is independent of short-term, opportunistic, external, or predominantly self-indulgent reinforcers, and comes from a deep understanding of what is fair and just in responding to the need of an “other,” while being mindful of one’s own needs. even in seemingly dysfunctional situations where unhappiness prevails, the destructive cycle can be broken with a genuine response to another’s need.”